How To Make Your Graduation Day Tolerable In Five Easy Steps


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Graduation Best Worst Day

It’s the big day, the one you’ve been dreading for so long. But now that it’s here, you might as well kill it the same way you slayed the last four years. It’s graduation day baby, and here’s how to make it your bitch.

1. Minis.
Nothing says “I may not be entirely ready for the real world, but fuck yeah, I’m doing this thing anyway” quite like having a mini vodka stuffed up the sleeves of your graduation gown. I mean actual mini bottles, no flasks, this isn’t 1874 and you don’t have mutton chops, so cut it out. There’s also nothing more #TSTC than cracking open a nice mini Gray Goose (or Burnett’s/Taaka/Aristocrat if you’re feeling sentimental) or popping a lovely mini André right before (and after) accepting your diploma. Worst case scenario: you’re trapped sitting next to the girl with the 4.0 cap and 37 honors cords, and suddenly in desperate need of hard liquor. Well would you look at that, a baby Fireball on hand, how convenient! Honors girl has worked hard and all, so maybe toss her a mini, but even C students can be president, George W. Bush said so.

2. Fully Charged Phone.
The only thing shittier than graduating is not even being able to live tweet/snap it.

3. A To Do List.
It may be more appropriately referred to as a To Bang list, but whatever. Deny it as much as you want, but you’ve got at least one guy you still need to say goodbye to with your vagina. Maybe he’s your boyfriend. Maybe he’s your TA. Maybe he’s one of the nine guys you’ve been trying to bang for the past month. Whoever he is, be sure to delete his number earlier in the day so you can’t drunk call him (he’ll come to you, both literally and figuratively), but keep him in your texts so juuuuuuust in case he doesn’t, you can send the ole “you out?” text. Of course he’s out, it’s his last night in college, but subtlety is key. The only purpose to this number deletion is that Lauren Conrad was dead right when she said that boys have a radar for when we stop thinking of them. Guarantee he’ll sense it and text you. #Science.

4. Makeup.
There will be tears and hugging, and somehow it’s 2016 and they’ve yet to create makeup that can withstand this.

5. Your Friends.
This one is obvious. Maybe they’re all here graduating with you, maybe some of them are underclassmen and already gone or will still be here next year. Whoever you’re with, keep them close and hold them tight, mostly because you love them and never want to be separated, but also because you’re all hammered from drinking all the minis and need each other to maintain the vertical.

It’s a long day full of tears and smiles and remember-whens. Soak it all up, drink it all in (literally), and get tons of photos so you can remember the best worst day of your life.


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.