How To Post-Game Without Dying


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There’s an old adage that was coined decades ago by a coach (or housemother, who really knows for sure) that says, “nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” And in the age of curfews and courtship, it was probably true. However, if you’ve ever been one of the few that fortune favored, and are able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning post-gaming, you know that there are actually many good things that happen after 2 a.m.

When you’re affectionately looking around a room at all the people who are still alive and functioning in the hours just before sunrise, you’ll notice that the room is miraculously devoid of lame people. Mostly, this is because all the lame people already took themselves home after throwing up in a trashcan outside of the local pizza delivery place. Everyone’s had nights like those, sure. But not everyone has had nights where they stay up all night talking and laughing with people who they never could have imagined getting to know. That is, until they all ended up in a random room together with a few mostly empty fifths and a quarter of the amount of chaser necessary to actually get the job done.

And so, with eyes heavily lidded, some of the best friendships are forged. There is a bond that comes from sitting up until four and five in the morning with people that rivals (and often surpasses) the bond shared between sorority girls in frat bathrooms. The reason for this is twofold.

For one thing, the bonds formed in sticky, thumping, dimly lit bathrooms are usually short. You know, because all you’re really doing in there is peeing and then getting TFO as quickly as possible in search of more alcohol. Becca may be a “total fucking star” right now, but you probably won’t be able to pick her out of a lineup in a month.

Second, when people are hanging out after a long night of partying, their guard is down. Though they may still be lit, they’re also sleepy. It’s much easier to get to know someone who has been riding the wave for a few hours than it is to get to know someone who is still paddling out on their surfboard, if you catch my drift.

I’ve been with people who weren’t ready for bed when the party was pronounced over numerous times. We’ve tromped up the stairs and headed into the room designated for the post-game. I’ve debated the merits of Trump versus Hillary, discussed the best bands of the seventies, and dissected the plots of numerous chick flicks. To this day, I’m pals with someone who found my phone in a frat at 4:30a.m. (Thanks, Chelsea, and Find My iPhone).

It is quite a feeling to be hanging out and see not one, not two, but three people in the room you’re chilling in fall asleep before you decide to check the time and realize that the sun is about to rise. Effectively post-gaming is an art form, and one that takes many parties and many late nights to master. If you do a little too much of this, or not quite enough of that, consider yourself toast.

In order to truly give your post-game the ol’ college try, first and foremost you’ll need to pace yourself. It may seem redundant, but a strong foundation is the key to building a lasting night. Unless you’re a full six foot, three inches of straight boy, taking six shots to the face before you even get to the party is only ever going to end in disaster.

Drinking a glass or two of water along with your glasses of vodka may seem lame, but I’ve round-housed many a water bottle in my day, and believe me, there’s a reason all the alcohol awareness classes on campus promote it (because it works). You’ll also probably need to caffeinate. If you know you’re trying to stay up until four or five in the morning, take a nap and add an extra shot or two to whatever your supremely complicated yet orgasmic-ly delicious coffee drink of choice is. If you’re starting early (for example, a darty), an Irish coffee is another great option to get two different kinds of buzzes going at once.

Last but not least, you have to want it. There will likely come a point and time in the night where you hit a wall. You’re tired, want pizza, and are over the party scene for the evening. Just know, if you go home now, you’ll be missing out. It’s like taking your team all the way to the last two minutes of the fourth quarter before just bowing out. Some of the best nights of your college career will inevitably unfold after hours, if only you let them.

After all, you can sleep when you’re dead, or in class.

A native Seattleite and self-proclaimed Snapchat queen, she's been a coffee addict since she found out what a coffee bean was. Believer in and promoter of the #freeguac and #freegucci movements. She is obsessed with all things Harry Potter and has been known to stop people at parties to tell them how to remove the wine from their clothes. In her spare time, she enjoys baking, writing for TSM, and pretending like she has her act together. Hit her up @

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