How To Re-Assimilate With Your Home Friends After Being At School


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Nice Move

Home Friends

What time is it? SUMMAH TIME! We’ve survived another year by the skin of our teeth without completely destroying any chance of having a successful future. Finally, we can party every night of the week instead of just 3-4 of them. Each of your home friends has gone out and lived his or her own life, and this is the perfect opportunity for you all to share experiences with each other. It’s kind of a drag living with your GDI parents, but not having to cook for yourself is pretty awesome. It may be hard to assimilate yourself back into the real world, but it’s not impossible.

Show Off Your Latest Moves
These move can be on or off the dance floor. If it is a dancey situation, hit them with a crisp, clean whip, and don’t forget a smooth, subsequent Nae Nae. Once they’ve picked their jaws up off the ground, throw them a dab. By this point, if they haven’t lost their minds, check to see if they are robots. If there’s no music playing, light the fire with that guy from period 3 English class who came back and is suddenly a smokeshow. Ask him who he is voting for, and them immediately fight him about it, regardless of how you feel. It will show him that not only are you a fox, but you are highly educated on an important topic. Not only knowledgable, but overly passionate. If possible, grab nearby people to join the conversation and tell him how wrong he is. It’s your first step in molding him into the perfect boyfri – I mean, everyone’s opinion matters?

Dress To Impress
Remember how when you left high school, you were so excited never to see most of your graduating class again? Welp, you were wrong! You will see them. Like, all of them. The only thing worse than having to explain your way out of buying Plan B on your second day at home, is having to explain it while looking like you’re buying Plan B on your second day at home. Have some GD self respect, brush your hair, and unpack so you’re not wearing old After Prom t-shirts.

Never Let Them Forget You’re Greek
Letters. Always. To lunch. To parties. To the grocery store. In the shower. Everyone cares just as much about Greek life as people who are in Greek life. Only tell stories about your sisters, your favorite frat, etc. If you are to use names, make sure they are prefaced with the proper title. Show them pictures of your big and tell them all about her, because she is so cool that stories about her can relate to any and every audience. Talk tiers. If you are top tier, you better open with that. If you aren’t, talk down on sororities that are lower than you. If your friends are in chapters at other schools, ask them what your chapter is like there, or tell them about their chapter at your school. Slideshows of your house are highly encouraged.

Bring The Conversation Back To You
You aren’t the only one who went away to college, but you are definitely the most important one who went away to college. Establish yourself as the alpha female in any conversation. Tell stories about people your listeners don’t know so they can fully grasp how popular you are. Ask them a question that you yourself want to answer, so that halfway through the response, you can interject. When someone else is telling a story, use even the most minuscule of details to add an even longer story. And remember: you have it the best/worst. Take every new topic as a challenge to prove that you deserve the most praise or pity.

Other than that, work until your alcohol fund is replenished, tan until people don’t recognize you, and count down the days until you are back at your home away from home.

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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