How To Really Help Your Friend That Got Dumped


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Nice Move


If you have ever been dumped, I’m sure you have received some of the most mundane, cliche, and useless relationship advice. Don’t get me wrong, I am so appreciative of all of my friends who were there to comfort me when my long distance boyfriend and I called it quits. They were there for me in my state of disaster. I was so upset, I didn’t know what to do or how to start picking up the pieces. But they were there to help. Or, at least that was their intention.

Sometimes it feels like your friends aren’t really helping you, they’re just going through the motions. I felt like they weren’t giving me advice that was personal to my situation. Everyone essentially told me all of the same things, and it actually really pissed me off. “~*Time heals all*~.” Well, that’s great, but what the fuck am I supposed to do right now? And I get it, it’s hard to find the right things to say. They weren’t in the relationship (despite many third wheel nights), so how could they know what I needed to hear?

So if your friend comes to you crying because her heart was mutilated, don’t give her a cliché. Maybe don’t even say anything. Let her vent. Let her say all the of the crazy shit. The best thing you can do is just listen. Help her get all of the feelings out. Then, if you must speak, say something honest. Telling her what she wants to hear won’t help her move on, and it may be dangerously hopeful.

What I needed to hear was, “You lost yourself in the relationship. He was your first heartbreak and in this douchebag filled world, it won’t be the last. Now give me your phone, we’re going to have alcohol induced fun.” And I did come to that conclusion. All on my own (except for the drinking, I dragged my friends out for my own benefit).

It was my relationship. My friends weren’t in my relationship. They heard about the cute shit he did and applauded the romantic gestures, but they were not there for every moment of it. That’s why you give your friends bad relationship advice. It’s not your relationship, it’s theirs. It’s hard to give advice on something you don’t know.

You can still be supportive in other ways. My friends were. Just please, for my sake, close out Pinterest and leave the corny quotes there.

Image via Shutterstock


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