I Believe In Lust At First Sight


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I’m a very firm believer in the initial visceral reaction you have to another person as soon as you meet them for the first time (or see them naked for the first time, either way). I don’t know when it became a thing for girls to have what I call *shrug* sex with a guy. How do you know you’re having *shrug* sex? Someone asks you how it was, or how you feel about him, and you shrug. Meh. That’s not for me.

This isn’t to say that you need to hold out for Prince Charming to have sex with anyone at all — in fact, quite the opposite. Just maybe don’t have sex with someone who you don’t imagine naked pretty much as soon as you see them. I, for one, don’t want to waste the most attractive years of my life banging a guy who doesn’t make me feel like I’m halfway to orgasm just from making eye contact. It could be physical attractiveness that brings that reaction from you, or something about his smile, but most of the time you don’t know why it happens. You just feel it for no reason, and there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Maybe it’s just me, but in my experience, most people in the world don’t do that for me. I meet people on a regular basis who are smart, and attractive, and I like them just fine. But I don’t want to immediately jump their bones. And the idea that you have to get to know somebody before you want to fuck their brains out is just bullshit, IMO. Maybe that’s how it works if you’re a little unsure of yourself and what you want, but if you’ve gotten past that annoying stage you should know almost as soon as you meet somebody whether you’re sexually attracted to them or not. It’s all about your gut instinct. I don’t need four dates to know if I want to meet you in pound town. I need about five minutes. You don’t need to be wasting your time on someone sitting across from you at the restaurant who doesn’t twist up your insides. The person to waste your time on is the one that for whatever reasons makes you imagine dark and very, very dirty things as soon as you two lock eyes.

Love at first sight is something that I can’t say happens for everyone. It’s too subjective. If it’s something you want to claim happened to you, that’s great, but expect a lot of people to react as though you’re saying you once saw a unicorn. Most will probably roll their eyes and ask if you’re on drugs, and that’s not a totally invalid reaction. Lust at first sight, on the other hand, is what I’d put my money on.

Lust at first sight, to sum up, is what happens when you meet someone for the first time, either on a first date or because you two have mutual friends, and you hug or shake hands and you have an immediate urge to rip your panties off. If this has never happened to you, don’t panic — it doesn’t happen every day or with every guy, but it does happen, and when it does you need to take full advantage. The kind of chemistry that comes with lust at first sight is out of this world and shouldn’t be wasted. It doesn’t mean you two are compatible in the long run, and it doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It just means you’re going to have the best sex of your life that night, which is way more important than either of those things anyway, right?

My favorite things are tiaras, compliments, and free drinks, which are becoming harder to come by the more I tend to show up at the bar in sweat pants. The proudest moment of my life so far has been landing an actual, paying job that allows me to Facebook stalk people for a living. I tweet about my mom way too often, who is constantly trying to remind me that I'm not nearly as cool as I think I am. Please send me funny stories to read at work here: shannon.laynee@yahoo.com

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