I Own Thirteen Dresses With Pockets And You Will Treat Me With The Respect I Deserve


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dresses with pockets

It happened slowly and over time. When I bought my first dress with pockets, I didn’t know that it would ignite this spark in me that I didn’t even know existed. I liked the dress, and when I found out it had pockets, that was enough to push me over the edge and head straight to the register with my lucky find. It wasn’t until I wore the dress a few times that I started to notice the massive effect it had on me.

It happens every time. In typical girl fashion, I’ll give a girl a compliment on whatever she’s wearing, and in return, she’s legally bound to give me one back. She’ll say “I like your dress,” and when I reply, “Thanks! It also has pockets,” she responds like I just told her that it’s also bulletproof and gives me magical powers when I wear it. I can also sense a hint of jealousy in her voice — like she wishes she was the one with a feminine yet functional outfit. There’s the kind of jealousy that you get when you see someone hotter than you and then the kind of jealousy you get when you see someone wearing a dress with pockets. I don’t know what the first kind feels like, but I know what the second feels like, and it feels good. Really good.

I became addicted to the power. Wearing dresses with pockets gives you the kind of clout that is usually only reserved for old white men in corporate offices. It’s that “I Don’t Know Who You Are But I Know You Must Be Important” kind of respect. I started collecting dresses with pockets and now I’ll never stop. I currently own thirteen, and I’m a different person because of it.

Before my newfound wardrobe obsession, I was just like everyone else: basic, boring, self-conscious, and just trying to fit in. I spent hundreds at the mall and online, thinking that I had to keep up with the latest trends. I didn’t know that the one trend that never goes out of style is dresses with pockets.

People say it’s what’s on the inside that really matters, but those people obviously haven’t worn dresses with pockets. Dresses with pockets upped my social status. You can’t see a dress with pockets and not be at least a little impressed. They demand respect. Other girls look at girls wearing dresses with pockets and automatically feel a sense of inferiority. They spent hundreds of dollars putting together the perfect outfit, only to be upstaged by a dress with pockets. They’ll still get compliments, but they know every girl at a party wants to be the girl wearing the dress with pockets. It’s the woman’s way of asserting dominance. I definitely feel that dominance, and I think it’s gone to my head.

If dresses with pockets were currency, I would be filthy rich. I pity those who buy dresses without pockets, because while yes, the style of the dress may be cute, no dress is worth carrying your phone around in your hand like some kind of vagabond. Some girls say that they wish every dress had pockets, and I really don’t agree. If every dress had pockets, how would everybody else be able to tell that I’m better than them? I never want to go back to life before dresses with pockets. I’ve grown accustomed to my new social status and I don’t want to go back to living like a peasant.

Have I grown a little cocky since acquiring this new style? Sure, you can say that. I know you’re just jealous, though. You wish you had my inflated sense of self-confidence. Turn those dreams into reality by buying more dresses with pockets. Trust me, after you’ve had a taste of the attention and respect you get from wearing them, you’ll never want to stop.

Image via Shutterstock

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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