I Puked In My Hookup’s Bed


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Nice Move


I have had my fair share of embarrassing moments. I’ve been that girl to get a little too drunk at a frat party, dance sloppy, and make out with whoever is around me. I’ve regretted texts I’ve sent, and I’ve deleted Snapchat stories when sober me realized just how bad they were. Somehow, however, this moment beats all previous “What the hell was I thinking?” occasions.

It was like any Saturday night for me. I was hanging out at my favorite fraternity with all my friends getting ready for a lowkey night. The men of the fraternity had just gotten done with their initiation week so they were ready to party and my friends and I? We were ready to drink. My best friend in the frat bought us two giant bottles of our favorite cheap wine and insisted that we didn’t pay him back, so we knew it was going to be a fun night.

Right at the beginning of the night, I made my first mistake. I opened my Snapchat to see that my ex had posted a story. In the lame version of this tale, I had already deleted him off of social media. In the realistic version, however, I still stalked his feeds incessantly. So naturally, when I saw him with his grubby paws on some girl, smiling drunkenly at a bar, I immediately saw red. He and I had always been very off-and-on so instead of being a healthy individual and taking out my anger somehow or realizing that my feelings weren’t totally justified, I said bottoms up. We started drinking really early on in the night, so by 9:30 I was feeling the wine.

Then, as if it was meant to be, the crowd parted and the boy in the fraternity that I casually hook up with walked in. We aren’t really a thing, we just tend to kiss when drunk downtown, or when we are both at the same party — but we were enough of a thing for me to zero in on him. He walked downstairs and my mind just went dumb at that moment. I was very drunk and for some reason tried to teach him how to swing dance (why?).

It was now 10:30 and I had drunk a whole bottle of wine and snuck some shots of Fireball. By that time I was blacked out and remember going up to his room with him and struggling to take off both of our clothes. I guess after a while I started crying over my ex to him (kill me know) while we were both laying in his bed naked and he said I wasn’t ready. Before I know it, I start puking up my dinner (of just corn) in his bed while completely naked. I told him to get my friends so he texted them while wrapping me in a towel and putting me up to a trash can. Absolutely horrified and still crying because now I was not only drunk and sad about my ex, but I felt really bad about blowing chunks in his bed. Since I refused to put my clothes back on in his room, I put on my one shoe (can’t find the other one) and was practically carried out of the house by him and my friends. We had to sneak out the fire escape because I was freaking out that someone would see me.

The worst part is that I had to go see him the next day to get my bra and other shoe that I lost in his room. I just walked in, grabbed my stuff, and walked right out, completely mortified. Even more horrified when I started to cry over my ex when I definitely could have seen something with him in the future. Not sure how, but he still talks to me even after I made a fool of myself, so it could always be worse.

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