I Quit Diet Coke And It Was The Worst And Best Thing To Ever Happen To Me


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Like any other college-aged female, I am obsessed with Diet Coke. Or at least, I was. After years and years of letting this aspartame-filled syrup flood through my veins, I was left craving this slightly sweet, crisp, refreshing soda at all hours of the day. I would get a Diet Coke at every opportunity, no matter what form it came in, although I was sure to make plenty of pit stops at McDonald’s for the holy grail of all Diet Cokes as much as humanly possible. When my addiction started keeping me up at night because of the inhuman amounts of caffeine I was pumping into my system, I even started keeping a stock of the gold cans on hand so I could continue guzzling down my favorite soda through all hours of the evening. In short, I had a huge problem.

However, as I started to really dig into my New Year’s resolution of becoming a healthier, more fit version of myself (that would hopefully have abs by spring break), I knew what would have to go. I had fixed my diet and started working out, but I knew that even though it didn’t have any calories or sugar, my Diet Coke obsession was the one thing holding me back from pure physical perfection. So I decided to quit.

Quitting Diet Coke isn’t like quitting your gym or dropping out of your 8 a.m. history lecture. Quitting Diet Coke is like quitting cocaine, cheese,, chocolate, ice cream, pizza, and your ex-boyfriend all at once. Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but it’s seriously horrible. After a few hours without Diet Coke, I would crave it, feel it in the back of my throat, and think about it nonstop. It was horrible. For a few weeks, I drank water every time I had a craving and was basically just an insufferable, miserable bitch. However, as time went on, I noticed that I could go longer without a craving and if I squint really hard, I think I can find some semblance of a toned stomach under what used to be a layer of skinny fat.

However, I’ve noticed one even bigger, more noticeable change since quitting Diet Coke, and let me tell you – it’s really pissed me off. I’m not pissed because of the headaches from caffeine withdrawal or the cravings for rat poison or the years of bloating I’ve suffered through for this soda. No, the change I’ve noticed has happened in my wallet and I’m pissed because quitting Diet Coke has made me realize that this beverage has made me broke AF.

Until now, I never thought too much about my Diet Coke spending. Every week I would drop $12 on three fridge packs and around $2.50 on a couple fountain Diet Cokes. No big deal, right? Well, when you multiply that by the number of weeks in a year, I actually spend over $750 every year on Diet Coke. Uh…what? That’s a decent amount of money. It gets even worse. Multiply this by the four years I’ve suffered with this addiction, and we’re looking at $3,016. THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS I have spent on Diet Coke over the past four years, and this isn’t even counting who knows how much on Crest Whitestrips and the salt and vinegar chips this devil drink made me crave. Do you know what I could have gotten for three thousand dollars? I do, because I just looked it up. Let me tell you all of the things I could have bought with that money instead.

  • 548 Venti skinny no-foam vanilla lattes
  • 104 Kyle lip kits
  • 30 pairs of Lululemon leggings
  • 24 Longchamps
  • 4 pairs of Louboutins
  • 3 Louis Vuitton Neverfulls
  • 3 MacBook Airs
  • A Céline bag
  • Half of a Birkin. That’s right. A few more years of this madness and I could have legitimately owned a BIRKIN BAG.

Honestly, this relationship is over. Like every girl who says that there will be a few setbacks – full disclosure, in the three weeks that I’ve “quit” Diet Coke, I’ve stopped for two (but only two!) fountain sodas — but I’m fairly confident I’m on the way to recovery. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and the second step is saving all of the money you would have spent on your addiction to purchase Hermés instead. Or something like that. Regardless, it’s been a good run, but I’m looking forward to moving on to a new, better, skinnier chapter of my life with more expensive bags. Move over, Diet Coke. I have a Birkin to buy.

RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com

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