I’m just going to come out and admit it: I’m a hairy human. I blame it on my Hispanic heritage, but I think most off-white girls can feel my pain. If you were born with dark hair, you probably struggle with keeping your outer Wooly Mammoth in check like I do.
I have naturally dark, thick hair, which is great on its own, except for the fact that my dark, thick hair isn’t exclusive to my head. It’s everywhere. If I go two days without shaving my legs, my legs become sprinkled with black dots that are impossible to hide. Somehow my underarms grow even faster than my legs, which led me to get laser hair removal at eighteen years old (100 percent worth it, BTW).
I know I’m not alone in this. Do you have to shave your hands and feet? Toes and fingers included? If the answer is yes, you are a true hairy girl. Welcome to the club. It’s not a particularly desirable club to be in, but we hairy girls have to stick together.
Another true mark of a hairy girl? Facial hair.
Everyone has a little bit of peach fuzz on their face. Even you blonde bitches have thin, light wisps of hair coating your entire face if you look close enough. There’s peach fuzz and then there’s what I have, which I would describe as kiwi fuzz. Dark, thick to the touch, and oh so noticeable. And when I say it was everywhere, I mean everywhere. On my cheeks, on my forehead — the only hairless feature on my face is my eyeballs, as far as I can tell.
The darkest hair is above my lip and down the sides of my face — you know, like a man. I used to try and cover it up with foundation, and while that covered the darkness of the hairs, it added texture and dimension to my face, and not in a good way. I had clear skin but the foundation caked up around each and every hair and seemed to emphasize what I was trying to desperately to hide.
One day I had finally had enough. Who knows what it was that sent me over the edge. Maybe I was tired of feeling self-conscious about the hair on my face. Maybe I had been asked by too many eyebrow ladies if I wanted my upper lip done as well. Whatever it was, I decided to finally do something about my fuzzy face.
I took some time to explore my options. Laser hair removal obviously seemed like the best because it was a permanent solution, but I already knew how expensive it was and I wasn’t exactly in the position to drop $300-$500 on my face for something that wasn’t plastic surgery. That’s when I discovered face shaving.
Not only does shaving your face remove the kiwi/peach fuzz from your face, but it’s also great for anti-aging because the razor helps exfoliate your skin. You’re literally removing the top layer of your skin, revealing younger, brighter skin beneath it. It’s like hitting two birds with one razor.
Full disclosure: not everyone needs to shave their face. If your peach fuzz doesn’t bother you or you really don’t feel the need to remove the tiny hairs on your face, don’t do it. I did it because my hair was dark — the skincare benefits were just an added bonus. If you have very sensitive skin, I wouldn’t recommend doing this, either. But if the hair on your face does bother you and you want your makeup to go on smoother, this could just change your life.
- All you need is a facial/eyebrow razor. I bought a six pack of these off of Amazon for less than $5, which is totally worth it because you can get at least a few uses out of each razor.
How To Shave Your Face
- I like to start on the bottom part of my face and work my way up. First, you need to pull your skin taut. Lift up the sides of your cheek with your non-dominant hand while holding the razor with the other.
- Hold the razor DOWNWARD at a 45-degree angle to your face. You don’t want to shave with the blade flat against your face. This video explains it pretty well.
- Begin shaving in short downward strokes with light pressure. There’s no need to press down hard, you’ll see the peach fuzz comes off onto your razor with very little pressure. The harder you press, the more likely it is that you’ll cut yourself. The key is to shave with a very light hand.
- You shouldn’t need to go over an area more than a few times. Once it feels smooth to the touch, move on and repeat the same steps all around your face, remembering to pull the skin taut every time.
- If you have sideburns you want to get rid of, pull up the hair around your ear and shave what’s underneath it. You don’t want to shave off literally all of the hair on the side of your face — just where it grows down too far.
- Remove the hairs on the razor periodically. You don’t need to wet the razor — just tap it against the side of the sink and watch your peach fuzz fly.
- Go slow. This process took me about fifteen minutes the first time I tried it, but now that I’ve done it a few times I’ve gotten it down to about five. Take your time.
- Enjoy your new smooth and hairless face!
What Not To Do
- Do NOT use a leg razor. You will cut yourself and it will be embarrassing. Love yourself enough to drop $5 on the real thing. Trust me, it’s worth it.
- Do NOT wet your face or use lotion prior to shaving your face. Apply the razor on clean, dry skin for the best results.
- Do NOT approach shaving your face the same way you shave your legs. It’s a very different technique, as stated above. You want to shave downward, not upward, in short, gentle strokes. It’s not a one and done type of deal. It should feel like you’re drawing squiggles on your face — up, down, up, down, up, down — while slowly moving your hand across your face.
- Do NOT get too close to your eyebrows or your hairline. It’s so easy to get into the zone and cut off the tail of your brow or fuck up your hairline. Go slowly and you should be fine.
- Do NOT apply makeup right after shaving your face. I recommend doing this at night so that you can let all your serums and moisturizers really sink into your skin overnight and work their magic.
- Do NOT shave underneath your eyes. The skin there is super thin and delicate, and unless you’re literally a monkey you shouldn’t have hair there.
How To Care For Your Newly Shaven Face
- Immediately after shaving, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Shaving is literally taking a layer of dead skin off your face, so you need to replenish your skin with moisture so it doesn’t get dry and gross.
- You don’t need to shave every day. I usually do this two to three times a month, or whenever I notice my kiwi fuzz growing back. Just like you don’t want to exfoliate too much, you also don’t want to shave your face too much. I’ve read that once a week is fine, if your skin can take it.
From one formerly hairy-faced girl to another, I highly recommend shaving your face, no matter how awkward and embarrassing it is to admit. Fuck the haters. Hold that eyebrow razor high up in the sky and take a stand against face fuzzies forever. Or at least until you can afford to get laser hair removal..
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