If The “Friend Zone” Really Exists, It Should Be A Requirement For All Relationships


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For the past couple years, boys across the globe have somehow all managed to acquire the exact same hobby: bitching about the well recognized phenomenon known as the “friendzone.”

I’d like to let the record show that, as a self-respecting woman who spends most Friday nights in a crowded basement surrounded by predominantly male burnouts and drunks alike, I don’t actually think the friend zone is a thing. I mean, I know it exists and that people tend to recognize the word, but I’d like to think the average woman has one or two hobbies that take precedence over strategically planning which male companions she will be fucking and which she will gently place aside to tease for all of eternity.

Men don’t understand that we don’t just choose who to crush on. It’s not like we wake up every morning like, “Hmm, which guy should I fall in love with today?” We’re drawn to men the same way they’re drawn to tits and ass: it just happens, and we have no fucking clue why. It’s really not our fault that we don’t want to have sex with certain people, even if we repeatedly make it known that we consider them to be “nice guys.” Turnoffs are very real and very common, and something so insignificant as a dude tucking his polos into his underwear can make us slam our legs shut and say “NOPE.” We can’t help it if we aren’t predisposed to hump everything with a pulse in the same barbaric manner as our male counterparts (although, I do think we got the better deal of the two).

Unfortunately, guys just don’t understand any of this, and they’re too busy playing video games and waiting for the pizza delivery guy to listen to us explain it. Boys think that we’re just super evil geniuses with a thousand hidden agendas. They can’t fathom that we have legitimate reasons for not having sex with them, and they’re persistent enough to stick around and wait for us to change our minds.

Which means that, when a man says that a woman “friend zoned” him, what he’s basically saying is, “She doesn’t want to have sex so I’m going to be an awesome friend until she lets me bone.”

Which begs the question: Shouldn’t that be how things work anyway?

Aside from casual hookups, shouldn’t we be making them work for it? Even just a little bit? Not to say that women should make men work for a relationship past friendship, but rather that people in general should prove their worth as decent human beings for the ones they love. What ever happened to the idea of a man waiting for you after a long day of work with a bouquet? Why aren’t we having meaningful conversations that require more effort than “U up”? What ever happened to sweet gestures and spontaneous acts of kindness to woo the weirdo you love? Why is it that our generation considers being a good friend such a bad thing that we have given it a name, complete with a really shitty rep?

When it comes down to it, guys who get stuck in the friend zone are worth so much more to us than any fuck buddy or casual hookup could ever be. They know stuff, and not just random things like what fast food chain we crave or what movies make us cry. They know what we want from life, how we act when we think no one is looking, and who we really are. They even know exactly how weird we are, which means you get to skip the whole, “Oh, by the way, I’m actually weird as shit” conversation. In short, they know more about us than we know about ourselves, and that is so much more important than a ten minute fuck.

If the “friend zone” is a period of time dedicated to building friendship, all while holding out for the person you want to be with, that’s exactly where I think every relationship should start.

Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at lucy@grandex.co.

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