If The Kardashians Were In A Sorority


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Nice Move


I’ll just come right out and say it: I fucking love the Kardashians. I’m obsessed. I love their style, their personalities, their focus on family above all else, and how they act like complete goofballs when they’re together. Call me brainwashed, but I kan’t get enough of the Kardashians. We are all naturally attracted to people who are similar to us, and besides the whole being millionaire fashion icons, I think we’re pretty similar. I think if the Kardashian/Jenner klan lived normal (albeit, fabulous) lives, they would’ve all gone to college and joined a sorority. It just makes sense. If the Kardashians were in a sorority, these are the type of girls they would be.

1. Kris: The Ultimate Grand Big

Obviously, Kris would be the matriarch of your family. She’s older and wiser, but she still loves to rage every now and then. She’s the one you go to for advice about your major, your love life, and everything in between. She loves her family more than anything and she shamelessly promotes them on every social media channel. She’s ultimately reliving her younger years through her daughters, just like your grand big loves to live vicariously through you.

2. Kourtney: The Mom Of The Chapter

Kourtney has always been motherly, even before Scott knocked her up with Mason. She’s the responsible one. The one who will take you home when you’ve had too much. The one whose house is always open for you to come over and watch Grey’s Anatomy with. She’s been there and done that, so she’ll probably turn you down if you ask her to hit up the bars with you. Kourt isn’t exactly a party animal, but she can bake a mean batch of cookies.

3. Kim: The Senior Who’s Completely Over It

Kim used to be hot shit. She used to be the life of the party, the center of attention, but now she’s a ghost. She’s the senior who is constantly making up excuses as to why she has to miss a philanthropy event or study hours. When she does show up, she’s on her phone the whole time. She used to be a household frathouse name, but her glory days are long gone and she’s handed over the reigns to the younger girls.

4. Khloé: The Girl Who Always Gets Called To Standards

Khloé is a party animal and sometimes it can get her in trouble. She gets blackout drunk and dances on tables, so obviously, she’s your best friend. Sometimes she can be a little out of control (like that time Khloé was arrested for drinking and driving), but she’s learned over the years how to party responsibly. She’s outrageous and loud and she’s not afraid to speak her mind. She’ll straight up tell you that your shirt idea looks stupid, or that the President shouldn’t be talking about behavior at mixers when she got laid in the supply closet at a mixer last year. She’s real, she’s honest, and everyone loves her, even if she is a crazy bitch sometimes.

5. Kendall: The Girl Who Thinks She’s Too Good For Your Chapter

Kendall doesn’t want anything to do with your sorority, just like she doesn’t want anything to do with her family name. She says in an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians that her family name actually hurts her in the modeling business, which we all know is false. She wouldn’t have walked in the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, or become the face of Estée Lauder if it wasn’t for her family name. That girl who thinks she’s too good for your chapter wouldn’t know all those frat guys if she was a GDI. Whether Kendall admits it or not, she would be nowhere without her familial association. And yet, Kendall is almost never around her family. She has better things to do than appear on a silly T.V. show or in your silly Greek week dance. If she was in your sorority, you probably would assume she dropped a long time ago if she didn’t occasionally show up for family dinners.

6. Kylie: The Freshman Legacy

Kylie is riding on the coattails of her famous siblings, so it’s only natural that she would be a legacy in your sorority. She wasn’t particularly impressive during recruitment, but her legacy status allowed her to slip right through your otherwise airtight bidding system. She’s a little weird and doesn’t quite fit in anywhere, but she’s still your sister so you have to love her. She’s young, so who knows what kind of member she’ll become.

I’d totally give Khloé a bid.

Image viaTinseltown / Shutterstock.com

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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