If You’re Looking For Marriage, Living With Your Boyfriend First Will Screw You

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According to a CDC, National Health Statistics report, polling couples from 2006-2010, 48% of women between the ages of 15 and 44 were said to be living with their boyfriends. 48%!!! Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s like, half. Likely the boring half if you ask me, but half, nonetheless. In 1995, that figure was only 34%, meaning it’s steadily on the rise. My grandmother is rolling over in her grave, and my mother will soon join her should she be directed to this news.

I would say I’m neither super progressive, nor super traditional, but one thing is true: these women are idiots. I’ve toyed with the idea of living with some guy before marriage, and I get it. I understand the benefits of living with someone before you fully commit. After all, I’ve had roommates who are some of my very best friends, but put us in a 12×12 dorm room together, and don’t be surprised when a third party needs to mediate a near bitch-brawl. It would be nice to avoid that kind of thing happening to a potential marriage, but at the end of the day, it really seems like living with a guy before you’re married to him is the long-term form of sleeping with a guy before you’re dating. You’re giving him everything he wants without ensuring you’ve gotten what you want. In college girls, that means a relationship, and in post-grads and white trash, it’s a ring. 40% of the women in these cohabitative relationships live with their boyfriends for THREE years with no sign of marriage around the corner, which suggests that, though it may have originally been a precursor to marriage, it’s now serving as an alternative to it. I seriously doubt it was a woman’s idea to find herself in a situation where she’s forced to wash mustard stains out of a plain white button-up without the gratification of a giant diamond, so this is really just another example of the nurture instinct and willingness to please fucking womankind in the tuckus.

But wait, you say, surely these men will finally commit to marriage when they’re ready to reproduce! Nobody wants their child to have to have that awkward “Well, my parents aren’t married” conversation with all their friends, right? Wrong. Cohabitating couples are actually more likely to reproduce, extramaritally, than other couples, 20% of them becoming pregnant within the first year of cohabitation.

So, ladies, the bottom line is that guys who live with their girlfriends are less likely to marry them, but more likely to impregnate them. It’s like every little girl’s dream.

Read the full report: here

[via BuzzFeed]

Image via BuzzFeed

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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