If You’re Single, Chances Are You’re Going To Die


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Electric Love

Enough shitty things happen to single people. They’re forced to sit at the “randoms” tables at weddings and talk to weird second cousins. They have to act like they DGAF about Valentine’s Day as they down their sorrows in half-priced candy the day after. But worst of all, they fear that they’ll die alone.

After a recent article posted to the Daily News, chances are that if you’re single, you really will die alone. SURPRISE!

In a crazy, adorable, “why am I single AF” story, two high school students were faced with a literal death-or-death situation, but thanks to their love, they survived.

Cue: jealous gag.

Sixteen-year-old Dylan Corliss and 17-year-old Lexie Varga were walking to get burgers on a normal, cloudy afternoon. As they were strolling to get their carb-fest on, they were holding hands and being in love, as only high schoolers can be. Then, out of literally nowhere, a bolt of lighting came out of the sky and struck them.

It hit Dylan in the head first, and then transferred to Lexie. The shock then went through her body and exited out of her foot.

From Daily News:

“We were on the ground, looking at each other screaming,” Dylan said before Lexie finished his sentence with a laugh. “So much screaming.”

The couple said they “felt stupid” and confused because it was barely raining. Dylan was “in shock,” Lexie said.

They felt “tingly” and “achey” for the rest of the day, and Lexie has a bruise on her foot. But they were otherwise alright.

The couple, who celebrated their six month anniversary Friday, rarely holds hands — they both talk a lot with theirs.

“We were very fortunate,” Lexie’s mom, Lori Varga, said. “It’s the kind of thing you can’t wrap your mind around.”

Ugh. They never hold hands. They were getting burgers. They’re finishing each other’s sentences. You want to hate them, but they’re so cute, you just can’t. Apparently after almost dying, the two got up and ate some burgers before contacting their parents. Because yes, burgers are still more important that the fact that about one billion volts of electricity just went through their little bodies. After much urging, they were convinced (read: forced) to go to the hospital, only to be told that because it dispersed the electricity between them, it was their hand-holding that saved their lives.

So, basically, if you didn’t feel bad enough about getting frozen dinners for one and literally dating Netflix, now you can feel worse. Because is turns out having a boyfriend could really save your life. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, now there’s mysterious lighting strikes that are targeting adorable teenagers.

Dying alone just became much more possible.

[via Daily News]

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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