I’m very anti-fart. I just want to start out by saying that. When I was little I took a glance at one of my mom’s not-quite-feminist magazines, and I read a few very important things about relationships:
• Don’t go to the bathroom with the door open.
• Don’t wear lingerie all of the time, but do wear it sometimes.
• And whatever you do, never fart in front of him.
Now, if we’re being honest, these shouldn’t be rules. I mean, come on. It’s 2016. In the publication’s defense, this was written in like 1997 so we’ve made some progress, I guess. Women are doing things other than making nachos for their men and popping out babies. We’re not here to be sex-bots and we’re not forced to be this perfect, feminine version of every guy’s dream. That being said, I’ve stuck true to these three basic relationship tips my entire life. No wonder people don’t take me seriously, amiright?
All jokes aside, farting in a relationship is no laughing matter. Or is it? To some people it’s hilarious. To others (read: me) it’s mortifying. But we can all agree, the first fart might be an even bigger step than the first kiss. Sure, you rub genitals, but emitting a smelly gas that reminds the other person that you’re human? Not for me, thanks. Mic decided to get to the bottom of when it is and isn’t totally understandable for people to fart in a relationship.
God help us all.
Images via Mic
More complex than you thought, huh? And it turns out that more women than men hold back farting. Shocking, right? Out of the 19 percent of people who admitted that they would only fart in a relationship once they’ve heard their partner fart, 73 percent were women. But GUESS WHAT? We might be wrong. According to therapist-brain, Robert Huizenga, farting is pretty important in a relationship. Cue: eye roll.
Farting in front of your significant other means you feel free to move beyond your roles. You may even find yourselves discussing family roles and expectations that you bring to each other. You need not carry the burden of continually being prim and proper.
So farting might be the secret to getting that ring, that house, and those two-four perfect children? I don’t know, doc. Even if it is, I’m not sure I want to drink that Kool-Aid quite yet. As for me, I’ll keep my farts to myself and remind him that I’m human when I get PMSy and cry over dog commercials..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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