Vegetarians are renowned for being total pussies. They have double the feelings: their own plus the feelings that animals can not express themselves. Even though they are incredibly sensitive about the topic, they are the first to bring it up. But in New Jersey, the rudest state in America, you are not allowed to make fun of vegetarians anymore.
In a recent decision by the New Jersey Commissioner of Education, “a student’s comments about his classmate’s vegetarian lifestyle constituted an act of harassment, intimidation, and bullying.” The incident occurred when one sixth-grader told another one that he should “eat meat because he’d be smarter and have bigger brains” because “vegetarians are idiots.”
Not being able to bully vegetarians is like not being able to bully frat pledges. It’s a way of life. It’s how we as a society bond with each other. This has gone entirely too far. If they outlaw making fun of the following, I’m moving out of the country:
- When people stutter a little bit.
- People falling, especially fat people.
- Fat people in general.
- Adults using incorrect lingo.
- AIDS jokes.
- Drunk people puking.
- Any Facebook status.
- Bad haircuts.
- Awkward teenagers.
- Catching Snapchats in the act.
- Inspirational quotes on Instagram.
Sack up, vegetarians. You’re not helping yourself out. .