I’ve Never Sent A Nude


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I’ve always been a late bloomer. I didn’t have my first kiss until after a lot of my friends had lost their virginities. My boobs didn’t fully ~develop~ until my senior year of high school. Heck, I’m almost twenty-two and I’ve still yet to reach the first boyfriend milestone. I thought I’d almost caught up to everyone on the imaginary checklist, until I made a shocking realization: I’ve never sent a nude.

The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if it was really that uncommon. Surely not everyone is out there sending their genitals. There’s no way that as I type, there could be hundreds of nude pictures zooming through the air, right? The more I asked around, the more I found out how wrong I was. I was met with my friends’ shock. “You’ve really never sent a nude? Your cleavage makes appearances on your Instagram all the time. This doesn’t make any sense.”

Why hadn’t I sent a nude? I have nothing against them. I was even #TeamKim when she posted her recent nude this week. The rational answer should be I’m insecure about my body. I mean, yeah, I wish my stomach was a little flatter, but I’m perfectly fine walking around in a bikini. Have I just been seeing too many nice guys who know better than to ask? LOL that certainly isn’t the answer. Maybe I’m just a bad flirt who can’t take sexting seriously. Usually God willing, if a guy brings something sexual up, I will quickly change the subject with some sarcastic remark. I can only recall one time in high school a guy asked “for pictures.” I replied with a photo taken hiding in my closet wearing a baggy slip. Real sexy.

How did everyone wake up one day and know how this all works? Did I miss something?! There’s so many elements to this. Are you supposed to initiate this process? That’s horrifying. Do you wear underwear? Do you go completely nude?? Is vag supposed to be visible??? What’s the best angle???? Do you crop your face out, or do you own it????? Getting the perfect face selfie already takes so much effort, I can’t even imagine the time I’d spend trying to curate a nude. If anything, I do what I can to avoid being seen naked. My razor bumps rely on the safety of a dark room.

Perhaps, it’s because I’m a little bit selfish. It’s all about giving and receiving. Sure, I could send you a picture of my boobs, but what could I possibly be getting back in return? The unsettling feeling of you having this picture to do as you please for all eternity? A dick pic? I’m going to pass. I’d rather get a picture of Zac Efron’s abs or something.

Maybe one day I’ll decide to jump the gun and grace someone’s phone with a tasteful, masterfully angled nude. But in the meantime, you can find me sending a plethora of selfies into the Snapchat-sphere.

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