Just Because We Hooked Up Doesn’t Mean I Like You


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Nice Move


Nothing upsets me more than when a good friend-turned-FWB morphs into a stereotypical asshole. Remember when you cried to him about that time when [insert fuckface’s name here] ditched you last minute before formal and he comforted you? Remember your easy friendship filled with late night movies, drunk heart to hearts, and genuine, well, friendship before it all turned to shit? And then something happened.

Maybe it was the stars aligning, maybe it was you both finally giving into a sexual tension that was always there, or maybe it was out of pure boredom, but you and your guy friend hooked up. You promised you wouldn’t let it ruin your friendship or develop feelings. And now, months later, you have kept that promise.

Except now he is the one acting weird. Now, you can’t go over to his house to hang out without him immediately trying to get knuckles deep in you. Or, even worse, that you are no longer worth his time unless sex is involved. Maybe once the sex has fizzled, he decided your friendship should fizzle along with it. All of that might be fine if he was a random Tinder match or hookup and that was your agreement, but that’s not the case. He is a friend, who you trusted and loved, who got so caught up in not treating you as a girlfriend that he stopped treating you as a friend.

It’s infuriating. Suddenly, he has to assure you that grabbing lunch together isn’t a date, even though you have had lunch together hundreds of times before you ever hooked up. Suddenly, he talks to you less and even when he does, he’s disrespectful to ensure he “doesn’t give you the wrong impression.” The reality is that you never saw him as anything more than just a friend. Instead, he’s becoming even less.

I don’t know what it is about guys that make them believe that their dicks were sculpted from God himself, but for their egos have gotten far too large. They honestly believe that all girls are crazy when we call them out on their bullshit. They honestly believe that we are incapable of separating sex from feelings. Or, if by some miracle we can, we can’t with them. Guys think that as soon as they penetrate a girl, she’s in love with him.

Sure, I have developed feelings after hopping into bed with a guy, but more often than not I have been told by a guy that I have developed feelings for him, when in reality he was Guy #3 on my roster. For the most part, girls really aren’t that crazy — we just want to be treated with respect. If it was normal to hang out with a guy every day before you ever hooked up, then it should still be normal to do so afterwards. And yet we get called “needy” for wanting to continue a friendship.

The reality is that girls aren’t helpless creatures waiting around for our knight in shining armor, guys just convince themselves that we are. They want to be wanted so bad that they fabricate our feelings. As much as a guy says he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a girl begging to date him even more. “She’s so obsessed with me, bro. I swear she needs to get off my dick,” he’ll roll his eyes, when in reality you’ve never thought of him romantically even once in your life, let alone ever wanted to date him.

The next time a guy hits you with the “stop acting like my girlfriend,” when you request something you would request from literally any other friend, straight laugh in his face. The next time he tells you that you need to remember that you guys are “just friends,” because you got upset over something to do with your friendship, such as a rude comment or ditching you, remind him that he is one of MANY friends. All of whom you would be having the exact same conversation with had they done what he had.

Bring his inflated ego back down to the size of his itty-bitty penis and walk away like the boss ass single bitch you are. Because you’re strong, independent, and you certainly do not need Guy #3 trying to convince you otherwise.

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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