News

JWoww Is Engaged…Kill Me

As of this morning…Jenni “JWoww” Farley announced her engagement…and I did not. Yes you heard me right, TWO members of the Jersey Shore cast are to be wed…and you are not. Awesomeeee.

Apparently Roger Matthews, the same guido boyfriend JWoww dumped Tom to be with in earlier seasons, proposed…get this…while skydiving. That’s not a joke. Imagine that? Screaming that question “I WANT TO MARRY YOU!” “WHAAT? YOU’RE SCARED OF ME?” That’s like the opposite of romantic. You can’t get down on one knee. Or on anything. You’re AIRBORNE.

I’ve got to hand it to her though, she got a hell of a diamond. Not totally sure how since she’s the rich reality star and he’s…pumping iron or something. Anyway, it’s like kind of pretty, my best friend wants a big center stone surrounded by little ones like that, but it looks like it could have pink or purple on it too? Can’t tell. This is only further proving that to get what you want, you need to lay it out for men exactly.

“Roger’s not an average-looking guy, he’s huge: his personality, his size,” said JWoww. “So I always said, ‘I want my ring like you — big! The bigger the better!’”

Ahhhh, just another engagement, and another ring, to add to the laundry list that are always popping up on my newsfeed as if to say “HAHAHAHAH, YOU’RE SINGLE.” Whatever.

***


Email this to a friend

Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

2 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More