Rumors are flying that Kanye West has been cheating on a very pregnant Kim Kardashian. Excuse me while I say “HAHAHAHAHA.”
Look, I’ve never been a fan of Kim Kardashian. I like Khloe, I can tolerate Kourtney, and I have mad respect for their
pimp mother, Kris Jenner. But Kim? She’s the fucking worst.
I know that she has a real cult following and that is something that I truly will never understand. She talks like a child, but in a weirdly sexual, pornographic way. Essentially, she’s like a baby porn star (can I get arrested for saying that?). Her eyelashes look like wiper blades. Her ass is going to droop to the back of her knees in no less than seven years. She looked like fucking Princess Jasmine at her sham of a wedding. Hell, her own parents have seen her have sex, for fuck’s sake. She is stupid. She is talentless. She is literally a worthless human being, and now she’s
dating fucking someone of equivocal uselessness, Kanye West.
I honestly don’t know too much about Kanye West because I don’t care to. I am admittedly addicted to celebrity gossip, but I generally skip right past an article if his name is in the headline. I know he’s a rapper, and I know he’s an asshole. I’m pretty positive that’s really all there is to know about him.
To say I was displeased when I found out that two of the most idiotic, self-involved, worthless human beings in the world would be procreating together is generous at best. I fucking lost my shit over the news. I think the only way I could’ve been more upset is if I had to watch the actual moment that his sperm invaded her uterus. The baby, rumored to be a girl, and rumored to be name North (as in, North West, I fucking shit you not), is going to be the most self-involved little cunt to ever inhabit a nursery.
Judge me for calling an unborn baby a cunt all you want. I stand by my belief that girlfriend will be in rehab by the time she’s fourteen and be on enough prescription pills to make Betty Ford blush, but who could blame her? Her mom’s a whore and her dad will likely be abusive. It’s like an episode of Jerry Springer, just with money and magazine covers.
I digress. The point of this article is to inform you that Kanye might be cheating on Kim. Look, I don’t condone cheating, but I do condone cheating on Kim Kardashian. And like…not to be that person, but could you blame him? Girlfriend is making Jessica Simpson’s pregnancies look healthy.
The story was first reported via Star Magazine. No, it wasn’t covered by ABC, but this is not ABC, this is TSM, and as far as I’m concerned, Star Magazine is fucking credible enough for me. Rumor has it that Mr. West first began knocking boots with a Canadian model named Leyla Ghobadi last July after meeting her at one of his shows. She claims that Kanye actively pursued her, stating: “He told me that [his relationship with Kim] was for publicity and nothing serious.” Dear God, it just keeps getting better and better.
Look, it’s possible that this bitch Leyla just wants her fifteen minutes, but it’s also possible that Kanye has a wandering
dick eye. Plus, if these rumors cause Kim to stress eat even more than usual, then really, aren’t we all winners?
Image via Associated Press