One day a month, the metaphorical beauty stars align. I have a great hair day, do my makeup flawlessly, put on a great outfit that makes me feel skinny, and stare at myself in the mirror thinking, Damn. I look good. The other 29 days, I hate everything about my face, body, and wardrobe, and try to pull some Freaky Friday shit with Adriana Lima, before contemplating suicide. It’s hard out there for a drama queen.
I generally comfort myself with froyo and Facebook. I have a few girls committed to memory who have really ballooned since high school, and I’ll peruse their pictures when I’m feeling badly about myself. This generally holds me over until the next time I see how horrifying I can make my face look on Snapchat.
Then, something truly magical happens, and I’m cured for months at a time. A picture of Kate Upton surfaces…and she isn’t wearing makeup. And it’s bad. And that’s good.
E! Online states, “Despite a few blemishes, there’s no denying that Kate is a stunning woman.” What I learned from that? The writers over at E! don’t know the meaning of “a few.” Upton is seen, for the first time ever, with a face that’s more naked than her body in Paris, on the way back from the gym. She’s sporting sunglasses, and we all know that your eyes take the biggest beauty hit when you remove your makeup, especially if you’re blonde (sorry, ladies, but you don’t have eyelashes, and it’s weird), so we can only imagine what’s going on underneath all that.
I suppose she’s still pretty gorgeous on a daily basis, but I’m still going to call this one a victory for women everywhere. If you’re feeling down, just remember that even America’s
sweetheart masturbatory aid has her bad days.
Image via Bar Stool