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Keene State College Students Go Rogue And Riot Over Pumpkins…For Real

Pumpkin Riot

I don’t know what Pumpkin Fest is, but it sounds like something I’d be into, because, well, let’s look at the facts: I use the word “like” about 500 times a day, I feel most at peace in a tanning bed, and my blood is permanently spiked with vodka-soda at this point. Yes, Pumpkin Fest is probably right up my alley. I imagine fountains of pumpkin spice lattes, some type of sorting hat that tells you who has to be Sporty Spice in your group costume this Halloween, and special areas marked “No Entry Unless Accompanied By Infinity Scarf.” It’s like the white girl mecca, and I’m hoping to one day journey to that promised land.

Unfortunately, though, with the superficial hot girl comes her male counterpart, the douchebag. And what do douchebags like to do? Riot. I don’t know why. Maybe they can’t control themselves. Maybe all those years of bad-boy-oppressed-by-New-England-pretension is too much, and they just have to let it out. Maybe it’s just fucking cold in New Hampshire and they needed to keep moving to warm up. Nevertheless, the students at Keene State College rioted this weekend. Over pumpkins.

Ali Taylor, a restaurant owner on Winchester Street, where some of the riots occurred, told The Daily Beast:

They started standing on top of cars and tipping cars,” she said. “They were climbing on streetlight posts and pushing them over. They had these big bars they were using to hit the street signs and light posts. Half the lights on campus are out. It’s bad. It’s really bad. I’m just so glad that none of the people on Main Street at the Pumpkin Festival knew what was happening.

There were at least 1,500 people rioting, and while witnesses said police did everything they could, from shooting rubber bullets to using pepper spray to bringing in SWAT teams, in some areas, it looked as if police were just hanging around.

 

Boys, fall does not last forever. The pumpkin craze will stop. Next time, just tell your girlfriends you don’t want to go.

[via The Daily Beast]

Image via Ali Taylor

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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