Kylie Jenner. Kylie Kristen Jenner (according to Wikipedia). Ky. “The one who looks like a porn star.” I know her, you know her, and Ryan Seacrest definitely knows her. But oh my God, you guys, I am so fucking OVER her.
Actually, allow me to rephrase. I am so fucking OVER the CONSTANT coverage of her (and yes, I understand that writing an article about how much media attention she gets is ironic, so go ahead and pat yourself on the back, random internet person). But make no mistake, this is not going to be some rant about what terrible, society-ruining harbingers of doom the Kardashian-Jenners are (because really, if the presence of Kim K and her ilk are really so incredibly irritating in your day to day life maybe you need to re-examine some things).
Because the Kardashians are far from terrible. In fact, they’re pretty benign. They don’t do a lot of harm and, hell, they’re pretty entertaining. They seem to have fun and like each other, which is a lot more than most families can say for themselves. That being said though, I just don’t know if I can look at another paparazzi picture of Kylie. Both for my own good, but mostly for hers. Because let me tell you a little fact that you may have forgotten: She’s only 17.
Do you remember what you were doing at 17? If it’s anything like what I was doing, then you too understand the unrelenting boredom that comes from sipping lukewarm soda in your friends basement while you watch SNL. But Kylie has skipped being 17. She literally has the life of a 37-year-old thanks to her older boyfriend who has a kid, her multiple business ventures, and her home ownership. Homegirl should be going to biology lab and then complaining about how gross the cafeteria’s sandwiches are. She should be going to prom and getting buzzed on Grey Goose that someone stole from their parents’ liquor cabinet. She should not be an already fully grown Instagram star who earns a few million a year.
Let’s just give Kylie some space, okay? Maybe after a few months of not being followed around every Starbucks in the Valley, she’ll suddenly develop an urge to fill out a college application, or or host a Beer Olympics while Kris is away. Maybe she’ll feel the slightest twinge to go to a homecoming game, or to doodle all over her hand in pen when she’s bored. Maybe she’ll just want to become a normal 17-year-old.
So please, let’s just all take a break from Kylie, I really think it may do her some good.
Ok, FINE, and me. Because I will flip my shit if I have to watch another “Kylie Jenner Makeup” tutorial. .