Let’s Analyze The Romantic Whirlwind That Is JoJo And Jordan


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Nice Move

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A romance for the ages, I tell ya. Let us look back at where it all began eight weeks ago.

Week 1: From the very beginning, JoJo already knew Jordan would be on the show. She knew he was the Aaron Rodgers’ brother (sports?), so he already had a leg up because who isn’t trying to rub elbows with some NFL connections? She was already starry-eyed over him on the first episode. And she gave him the first impression rose. I mean, c’mon.

Week 2: The date was at ESPN’s SportsNation. Jordan is an ~ex professional football player.~ This date basically set him up to stand out to JoJo.

Week 3: Although it’s only week three, Jordan gets all up in his feelings with JoJo. Want to get a girl to fall hopelessly in love with you? Tell her you’re bad at opening up. She’ll want to get you to open up even more. And JoJo fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Who can blame her? The dude is a dime.

Week 4: By now it is so beyond clear that Jordan will be the one to receive JoJo’s hand in fame marriage. So. Much. PDA. Nothing says “I love you” without actually saying “I love you” like ten little kisses in a row. You know what I’m talking about. Nauseating.

Week 5: More PDA. But this time, he throws her against the wall in a steamy makeout. She’s basically already naming their children at this point. Later in the week, they have a one-on-one date on a yacht. This is what WASP fairytales are made of. Then in typical Bachelor/Bachelorette fashion, Jordan proclaims he’s “falling in love with JoJo,” but doesn’t use the phrase “I love you” yet. Leave her wanting more, classic.

Week 6: By now, all the other guys are just props. The producers tell JoJo to ask JoJo asks Jordan about cheating allegations, to create the illusion of some tension between the two, but we all see through that. She doesn’t care. Her mind is already made up. Look at the other dweebs left. Alex? James Taylor? Never stood a chance.

Week 7: Shocker! Another one-on-one date with Prince Charming himself. The two stomp grapes making their own wine composed of each others’ foot funk. Now that’s romance. And also #TSM.

Week 8: Ah, the hometown dates. JoJo endlessly presses Jordan about his brother. They milk as much out of the “Aaron Rodgers Is My Brother” thing as possible the entire time. And truthfully, I’m pretty sure trouble with the in-laws is basically a marriage requirement, so they’re headed in the right direction.

Week 9: The two go to the fantasy suite and talk about their emotions. JoJo tries her hardest to convince America she isn’t disgusted by Robby, and that Chase isn’t impossible to converse with. Jordan gets the first rose. The other two quiver in fear because they know far too well Jordan has already stole their hoe.

Week 10: JoJo picks Jordan. Duh.

JoJordan forever. Well, unless he wants to date me.

Image via YouTube


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