Mailbag: Am I Too Smart For My Sorority?


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Hi yeahokaywhat,

I’m a first year at a top university at my school and every term so far I’ve gotten an above average GPA. I focus on school more than I do going to functions and parties but when I do, I go pretty hard. However, I noticed that my sisters often comment that it’s surprising that I drink as much as they do when I go out “because you’re just so into school.” Also, a lot of girls in my pledge class only seem to talk to me when they need help or notes; which makes me feel really bad about myself and unwanted.

What should I do? I don’t want to dumb myself down to fit in but I also don’t want to be seen as an awkward loser who never goes out and has fun.


I’m going to be honest, this isn’t a question I’m asked often. Considering the fact that I went to a mediocre (at best) university, received an average GPA, and spent more days hungover than I did in class, I’m not what you’d call an “academic” type. That doesn’t mean that I don’t know “who” you are. You push yourself to be the absolute best. You study more than you slack. C’s don’t get degrees in your book. Being successful is your full time job, so you view other things (drinking, going out, attending social events) as rewards for your busy life. Am I on the right track?

Now, before I go further, I just want to say that you’re doing it right.

I know it might not seem like it, thanks to the passive aggressive comments from your sisters. It sucks feeling like the loser of the group. But want to know the secret? All of the best people feel that way. And believe it or not, those are the ones who have the most fun, end up being the most successful, and living the most fulfilling life.

So since you’re a smart girl, you know that this isn’t a case of “should you dumb yourself down” or “do you seem like an awkward loser.” This is a case where you need to learn to stop giving a fuck. What a lame answer, right? But it’s the only one there is. As you said, you like to go out and have a good time. That’s great. Some of the biggest partiers in my sorority also had 4.0 GPAs and spent plenty of nights in, studying for difficult courses and securing their scholarships. And now? Now they’re at the top grad schools in the world, multitasking taking over the world and shooting back tequila. There is nothing that says you can’t have both.

That only thing in your way is jealous, lame, girls.

So honestly? Who the fuck cares what they say? Sure, it’s annoying to be viewed as an “awkward loser” but that doesn’t mean it’s who you are. And it sounds like you don’t quite know who you are yet, and that’s okay. You’re a freshmen, and it takes time. Try to get to know some of the other girls in your house. Make an effort to attend some events. Get together with other goal-oriented girls for study dates. Avoid toxic people (and yes, there are some in your sorority). And the next time some slacker who is obviously just using you asks for your notes, say you didn’t take them. You’ll no longer “look like a geek” and those bitches don’t deserve your notes anyways. Problem solved.

As for those annoying “OMG can’t believe you’re out” comments? Fight bitchyness with witty, low-key, humor. It literally kills dumbs girls. Just say “I’m a woman of many talents” and leave it at that. Don’t let them get the best of you. Take a shot, smile, and have a great fucking time. Enjoy the fact that you’re smart, successful, and have your priorities in check.

It all comes down to knowing that you’re better than that. Find sisters who support your decisions, and avoid the ones who make you feel bad. Someday, when the same bitchy girls are begging you for a job, you can say that it’s surprising that they’re looking for a career, because they’re just so into going out. Nothing says “you shouldn’t have been a bitch” quite like a healthy does of karma.

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

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