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Mailbag: I’m Secretly Talking To Three Dudes And They’re Best Friends

Mailbag: I'm Secretly Talking To Three Dudes And They're Best Friends

We’re just going to get right into this one.

This semester, I have a class with a bunch of guys in this one fraternity and I literally have a crush on three of them — Scott, Drew, and Jason. I’ve started frequenting their parties and they’ve taken notice. Only problem? All of them just so happen to be best friends.

In the interest of getting closer to them, I messaged them on facebook and offered to give them a study guide that I had made for the first test. Of course they all jumped at the opportunity. I even got some digits out of it. Drew has been texting me a lot. He’s been flirty. I tried at Scott and Jason, but I didn’t get much out of them when we texted. Drew, however, has been super responsive.

When I asked why he hadn’t taken me out yet, he claimed that he had every intention of doing so, if I was interested, but because of baseball season, he doesn’t have a lot of free time. I know, it sounded like a line to me too. Later in that conversation, I jokingly said that Scott was a babe. Drew told me he’d hook us up. It was weird, because he was simultaneously expressing his interest in me, so I brushed it off and told him that if I wanted to be hooked up with Scott, I’d make it happen myself.

Fastforward a couple days, Drew invited me over to his house and while I was there, we mostly talked. It was pretty plutonic for the majority of the night; that is, until 3 a.m. rolled around, and we started making out. I’m not going to lie, he is a great kisser, super passionate and grabby, which I like, but he didn’t try to get in my pants or anything. I left after making out for about 20 minutes.

Second exam came along (I made a study guide again) and Drew and I studied together and made out the whole time, but I was secretly flirting with the other two guys the whole time. Scott told me how attracted to me he was and now I just don’t know what to do. Here is the deal, I could see myself with Drew. The only thing that is leaving me on the hook is Scott (and Jason a little too). I know all of this sounds completely ridiculous, but I’ve always liked what I couldn’t have. Obviously my window of getting any of these guys is getting tighter. Eventually I am going to come up in some conversation, and if I know anything about guys, Scott will back off when he hears that Drew has marked his territory already.

A friend of mine suggested I don’t try to date any of them, but eff them all and get out of there. What would you do? What should I do?

Thanks!!
By the way, I think you’re flawless, so go easy on me.

Okay. Truth be told, they probably all already know what you’re doing, and if they do, they’re not viewing you as the badass you feel like you are. Having multiple flavors of the week can be fun, but when they all know each other, let alone when they’re all close together, it’s not a good look. You don’t seem like the cool playgirl who has her pick. They probably feel like they’re using you. They think you’ll do their homework and put out — and I’m not saying you will. But you’ve already done their homework. This isn’t a good look for you.

My suggestion is to either get out or choose and quit with the other two immediately and by “choose,” I mean choose Drew. He’s the only one who expressed interest in the beginning. He’s the one who likes you the most out of the three, and you’ve already kind of started things up with him.

However, I feel like the shady play might catch up to you. Expressing interest in other guys can make guys jealous, yes. But unfortunately in this world of double standards, it can also make them judge you. The fact that he’s willing to hook up with you but simultaneously offer you up to his friend is a bad sign. I’d be really, really careful here.

If you want to make it work with Drew, you need to do a little damage control. Stop talking to the other guys, and when you do talk to them, talk about Drew. Make sure it’s obvious that he is your interest here, and only him. You’re not about to be known as a frat groupie.

Moving forward, feel free to do whatever you want with as many guys as you want. Just make sure they don’t know each other.

This story has been redacted to remove identifying information.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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