Mailbag: Should I Take My Fuckboy To Formal?


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Mailbag: Should I Take My Fboy To Formal?

I’ve asked a handful of my sisters and everyone has given me the same response: a shrug of the shoulders and a mumble of words that mean they’re just as confused as I am. With our semi approaching the dreaded thought of who to bring as a date is looming over my head. I need your help, to ask the fuckboy or not? Let me explain my situation. I met this fine, young fellow last semester. Nothing really came out of it, hooked up a few times for shits and that was about it. This semester rolled around and every single night that one of us is even remotely intoxicated we’re hitting each other up no earlier than midnight. Just your average fuckboy. The real kicker is that in the daylight hours we barely act as though the other exists, and if it’s not a weekend we have little purpose for one another. Which I guess you could say is a shame because he’s friends with my friends, I’m friends with his friends… but we’re just not really friends with each other. So what do I do? Do I go stag? Do I stop acting lame and just ask him? I know if I don’t invite him to my semi then I’m sure as hell not getting an invite to his, and does that mean whatever it is that we’re doing here is done? Am I crazy for even thinking that I should give this kid a shot? HELP.

Yours Truly,
Hotline Bling

I’m going to be honest, this guy doesn’t really sound like a fuckboy to me. It sounds like you are both fully aware of what the parameters of your “relationship” are. You both seem to be comfortable with them, and benefitting from them equally. He’s not sending you a text during class on Wednesday just so you’ll be buttered up to go home with him on Friday. You’re not professing your undying love for him, only to have him pretend to reciprocate those feelings just so he continues to have a regular hookup. The late-night booty calls are not one-sided, as you seem to be getting drunk and hitting him up when you need to ride the D-Train too. There’s no trickery, or manipulation, or mal-intent. He’s not a fuckboy, he’s a fuckbuddy. Big difference.

First and foremost, there’s nothing wrong with having a fuckbuddy, and you don’t have to pretend to be heartbroken and longing just because your friends are idiots. You have a good thing going. A steady hookup who always shows, no strings attached. That’s not a bad thing. This is the guy you should keep on your back burner for your entire college career, and because you run in similar circles, a hookup will never be too far away. Things only get messy when you start to develop feelings — but from the looks of it, if you think you have feelings now, you need to reevaluate your heart, because you hardly know him. You can’t possibly like him all that much.

But as for your real question: Should you invite him to semi-formal? Umm, fucking duh. Do not even utter the words in my presence that you’re considering going stag when you have a perfectly viable male who wants to penetrate you that you can take instead. You will not have fun if you go by yourself. People say you will, but you won’t. You’ll end up eating ravioli in a corner while everyone is grinding on their date and your g-big is fucking someone in the bathroom by midnight. Just my sorority? Whatever. The point is, everyone’s going to be coupled up. And normally, being on your own with your sisters is fun. But you won’t be alone with your sisters. You’ll be alone with your sisters who want to be alone with their dates.

This “fuckboy” actually seems like the perfect date. He knows your friends, so you won’t have to babysit him all night. You know, at the very least, you have bedroom chemistry. And if you want to get to know him a little better, and maybe take this to a “we start texting at 8pm, not 12am” relationship, this is a good start — the perfect way to find out if you have as much fun with each other outside the bedroom as you do in it.

I think your real concern is that you’re afraid he’ll say no, because you’re not friends in the daylight. I made the same mistake one year. I thought a semi-formal invitation some big gesture, and who you selected as your date “meant” something. I thought it was boyfriend or bust. I thought if I invited a guy, it would be some over dramatic proclamation that I loved him, and my life would be over. But it’s not. It’s really not a big deal at all. People go with complete strangers and guys they met last week. You’ve been hooking up with this guy long enough that it’s not weird to invite him to something that’s going to end in a hookup. And it’s not weird to expect that he’ll go. It’s a night where you dress up, eat free food, and drink free booze with a bunch of people. It’s fun, and you’re fun, and he will have fun, and I PROMISE he will not read into it as much as you did. Guys aren’t like that.

Besides, what’s the worst that can happen if you ask him? You have to find someone new or go alone? You were already considering that.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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