Malia Obama Is Slowly Making Her Way Into Taylor Swift’s Inner Circle, Probably


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Malia Obama Is Slowly Making Her Way Into Taylor Swift's Inner Circle, Probably

Malia Obama is finally doing it. She’s a First Daughter slowly breaking into the inner circles of Hollywood’s elite.

It should have been Chelsea Clinton, it really should have. She was pretty enough, she was blonde enough, and her father was already the subject of a scandal, so anything she did really couldn’t have disgraced the family name. Chelsea was groomed to be a socialite, and I’m going to be honest, she fucked it up. She was twenty-one years old at the conclusion of her father’s presidency, and all she did was go to college, marry some Jewish guy in a forgettable dress, and fall off the face of the Earth, forgotten by all until I mentioned her name just now.

It could have been the Bush twins. They certainly were beautiful, and had a knack for attempting to evade security. They liked to party, but George and Barbara just had too tight a grip. They were republicans, after all, and at the end of the day, they were far too well-to-do to associate with the new money who ran the social scene.

But Malia — oh, Malia. She’s not letting the whole “residence: White House” thing fuck up her social life. She’s come under fire once or twice before for doing regular teenage things, like going to concerts and taking selfies, but seeing as Barry O is a “cool” president and all, he and Michelle DNGAF. They let her live, ya know? And I like where it’s going.

Malia is actually milking her status as one of the world’s most famous kids and doing shit right. She’s going to make a name for herself in something awesome, not some boring shit like politics and marrying well. Malia’s summer internship is for none other than Lena Dunham on the HBO set of GIRLS. Supposedly, she has an interest in film-making, but you know what she’s really getting access to?

The A-list.

As a high school senior, Malia is hanging out with celebrities. For “work,” or whatever, but it’s important to note that she’s not hanging out with any celebrity. She’s hanging out with Lena Dunham, one of Taylor Swift’s 132 BFFs. This could potentially land Malia among the most popular squad in Hollywood, because you just know that Taylor would love to fake fangirl for publicity. I can just see Malia’s long lanky legs and bony elbows in a slumber party Insta post, making silly faces for public appearances before getting into some shady shit. This, I believe, is the making of my favorite Hollywood-Washington alliance of all time.

[via Mashable]

Image via Everett Collection /

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

More From Veronica Ruckh »


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (6)