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Man Has Sex With Pizza, Complains To Domino’s About Burnt Penis

Pizza Sex

You’ve just stumbled home from the bar in your scuffed up heels. You arrive at your house. You make your way straight to the kitchen, only to find leftover pita wraps and Fiber One bars. You want to drunk eat, which means you must consume a couple thousand calories–and Fiber One bars just won’t do it. What do you do? Call Domino’s, duh.

Pizza is love. Pizza is sex. Pizza could practically lead to an orgasm. Pizza always makes you happy, although sometimes it ends in regret, like a drunken hook up. Pizza never tells you it doesn’t love you, and you can share it if you can’t handle it all. Pizza is what makes the world go round. For one man, every girl’s dream of having sex with pizza came true.

This man bitterly argued on Twitter with Domino’s–for not warning customers that having sexual relations with hot pizza hurts. He goes on to complain that the pizza actually burnt his penis. Yes, he burned his penis. Via Twitter, he stated, “I HAVE A MULTITUDE OF PEPPERONI PIECES STUCK TO MY BALLS AND MY PENIS IS SCORCHED.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, like, consider this a warning. Do not have sex with pizza, ladies, no matter how lonely and sad your life is. Stay strong.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Hospitality and Catering News

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princess_lea

Lea isn't from the south, but says "ya'll" to make herself seem cool enough to be. An avid beer drinker, Lea avoids wine at all costs but only because she can make beer look classy. Her first choice of beverage, though, is the ever-so-basic, Diet Coke. She is an incredible rapper, sober or blackout, and has been called a Tinder expert once or twice. Perpetually single, Lea believes that college is reserved for random hookups, unless they take you out to your favorite sushi bar.

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