Man Kills Himself While Shopping With His Girlfriend

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I’m going to say something incredibly controversial: I do not like shopping. I feel as though I can tell you this because we’ve been internet friends for some time now and we are all very much in the trust tree. You know, because you are all good people who would never judge me or write mean things about me in the comments section…oh, wait. Whatever. Fuck you guys.

When I say that I do not like shopping, I don’t mean that I don’t enjoy buying things, because I do very much enjoy buying things. Like…a lot. Especially if I am using my father’s credit card to make said purchases, because, you know, then I don’t have to pay for them. #thxdaddy Essentially, I love the benefits of shopping, aka new things, but the act of shopping, the malls, the crowds, the bargain hunters…it all makes me want to kill myself. And apparently I’m not alone in that, because a man in China did just that. As in, he literally committed suicide in the middle of a crowded mall. Not social suicide, mind you. Real suicide. Sorry, guys. We’re about to go to a dark place.

On December, 9, Tao Hsiao, 38, agreed to accompany his girlfriend to a crowded shopping mall in Xuzhou, China. Apparently, Tao wasn’t really feeling the expedition and so he complained to his girlfriend (who is now, by the way, completely undateable) that he wanted to go home. Well. Girlfriend was having none of this. Likely due to the stress that is holiday shopping, she started laying into him about how unreliable he was and also about his tiny penis and subpar lovemaking skills…or something along those lines. Rather than listen to his obnoxiously awful girlfriend, he paused for a second, threw down his bags, and lept off the balcony. Whereupon, he died. Obviously.

Tao Hsiao, the man who literally shopped til he dropped. Sorry, I had to. RIP.

[via Daily Mail]

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