Every day for the nearly two years I’ve been writing for TFM, I’ve been told by anonymous internet folk, “Make me a sandwich!” (and even more frequently “Show us your tits”). Every time this joke is hurled my way, it’s just as funny and creative as the last, and let’s face it, everyone loves a funny guy. Each morning, one such funny guy would look at his girlfriend, Stephanie Smith, ask how long she’d been awake, and retort, “You’ve been up for 15 minutes and you haven’t made me a sandwich?” And oh, how they laughed.
I’ve never really gotten the whole lure of sandwich makers. I’m a pretty average cook, so I’m hesitant to let the male populace in on this secret, but making a sandwich isn’t all that hard. People like to brag about making “good sandwiches,” but are there really a ton of bad sandwiches out there? There aren’t. There really aren’t. It doesn’t take much to slice a tomato and put turkey and cheese between two slices of mustard-slathered bread.
One day, Stephanie replied to her beloved with — you guessed it! — a sandwich! He gobbled the thing up, and exclaimed “Babes, this is delicious! Honey, you’re 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!”
And just like that, he was stuck. There was no going back. He thought because Stephanie had never really cooked for him before, that his words were a way to escape commitment forever, but now, 15 months later, he’s not only eating his sandwiches, but his words. Stephanie saw an opportunity, and she took it. She’s in her mid-thirties, for heaven’s sake! If 300 sandwiches were all that stood between her and forcing a man to be legally bound to her for life, than by golly, she was going to do it.
Stephanie started her blog, 300sandwiches.com, on June 14, 2012, and has written about all the different sandwiches she’s made on her pursuit of happily ever after, and I can imagine that “Today was turkey with mayo!” and “Today was turkey with mustard!” is nothing short of a riveting read.
Homegirl made sure to put in a passive aggressive “Fuck you” to her detractors as she shared her story.
“How ‘Stepford Wives’ of you!” said one single gal whose kitchen was used for shoe storage.
It’s not about the journey, bitch. It’s about the prize! By the end of this, I’m going to be married, so I don’t give a hoot what you think!
Some women think Stephanie’s is a beautiful love story. She found out what made her man feel loved and did it for him, and through it, they discovered a fun activity for them to bond over as a couple. Some women think Stephanie is submitting to her misogynistic future fiance who gave her an ultimatum to earn his hand in marriage. I just think she’s an idiot. The girl’s only 176 sandwiches in after 15 months. I would have made 25 Ritz cracker sandwiches on at least five separate occasions, and I’d SO be married by now if I were her. Steph, if you’re reading this, “I do” is only five days away. You’re welcome.
[via NY Post]