“Mooning” Is The New Way We’re All Going To Get Dumped Via Technology

Back when I started dating (#tbt), there were only three ways to dump someone. You slipped a note in his locker, you convinced your best friend to talk to your boyfriend on your behalf, or you grew some lady balls and dumped the poor dude to his face. Even back then, there was a hierarchy to the integrity of dumping your boyfriend. Everyone knew that a dumping via note on looseleaf binder paper meant that you were a great big sissy. Eventually, most of us felt guilty enough to break the news to the guy’s face, and even though we would feel like shit for most of the day, by the next one, we were pretty much over it.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still find an integrity to breaking up with someone to their face. However, the dating world has gotten even less mature. Even though leaving a note in a locker was a pretty scummy thing to do, at least the poor chump knew how you felt at the end of the day. Ever since we’ve traded binder paper for iPhones, we’ve found more unique ways to tell someone that you’re no longer interested. First, there was ghosting, when the guy you’ve been talking to suddenly disappears as if he was never there to begin with. Next came benching, the cruel new trend where you kept someone on the “bench” as a backup in between dating the people that you’re really into. But we couldn’t just stop there. No, the next new way that we’re all about to get dumped is called “mooning,” and believe me, it’s just as stupid as the other tech-friendly ways we’ve come up with.

Unlike pulling down your pants, this new version of mooning involves putting your phone on “do not disturb” mode, which is typically symbolized by a moon, hence the name. Instead of just ignoring texts from the person you’re dating like every other scummy millennial, now we’re expected to go into our do not disturb settings and program your phone to “manual” when your newest Tinder match is trying to make plans. Now, instead of choosing to ignore them, you won’t even be notified of their presence. Oof. Here’s hoping I can trap my current boyfriend into proposing sometime soon because the dating scene out there is rough right now..

[via College Candy]

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