My Ex-Hookups Keep Adding Me On Social Media And I Don’t Get It


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Nice Move

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I’m your slightly above average girl. Long hair, brown eyes, killer cheekbones, and legs for days. I can’t say I had a hard time getting it my first year at college, but keeping those boys around wasn’t so simple. Like they say: easy come, easy go. When it came to one-night stands, like any smart sorority babe, I ghosted the ones I didn’t like and patiently waited for the ones I did like to ghost me.

So when summer came, I figured I’d give myself time to reflect on myself and take a break from boys. I’d reevaluate my situation come August. But as it turns out, I didn’t have to wait until then.

It was mid-June when I got the first sign that something just was off. Around 1 AM, my hookup from Valentine’s Day added me on Instagram. He lives in California, so it was 11 o’clock his time, but we all know that 10pm-4am are less than wholesome hours on the internet. I cautiously accepted. We had left campus on semi-decent terms, but there was definitely an awkward, “I’ve seen you naked, now what?” tension. It’s a small college, what are you gonna do?

With it just being Instagram and all, I thought “Oh, he just needs some drop dead gorgeous pics of me to jerk off to, no big deal.” But when he added me on Snapchat the following week, I got suspicious. It’s one thing to add me as your hypothetical muse of pleasure, but it’s quite another for him to ask to see my dull everyday life, and for me to see his. Even though I had spent a night camped around his junk, this move seemed far too personal. Did I mention it was mid June? Why the hell was I suddenly on his mind?

Personally, I make it a point never to add one-night stands (or even the occasional multiple night offender) on social media. The last thing I need is my conquests thinking that I like them, making it evident I remember their names, or letting them know that they are remotely on my mind. I have enough drama going on in my life at any given minute; I don’t need to add kerosene to the fire.

That being said, when my hookup from just before and just after spring break added me on Snapchat AND Instagram in the same day, I was taken aback. It had been three weeks I was due back to school. What the hell was going on?

With these oddly timed olive branches, you can imagine how confused I was. If it had been late May, these would have been easily explained as bragging rights– you know, a harmless photo to go with the story for the boys back home. Us gals do it too, even if we’re far more subtle when sharing our sex-capades. Anything more than two weeks out from finals is a damn red flag. Nostalgia of sex-filled nights’ past is bound to hit you at some point, I decided. But something still just didn’t feel right.

And then it hit me.

In a rare moment of clarity, I realized that I have to give the utmost credit and well deserved applause to these sons of bitches. They’re just setting up for the fall semester. It’s a pregame-bootycall, if you will. Sure, they have my phone number, but now they can see what I’m up to, and simply slide into my DMs in a manner far more casual than texting. Plus, I can’t really pull the “who is this” card when the username is screaming at you. Geniuses, really.

As a rising sophomore, I can no longer rely on my status as an innocent freshie to get laid. So I guess it’s good to know I have options waiting for me upon my arrival. And I guess it’s kind of a compliment? After all, it’s one thing to know you’re good in bed, it’s another thing to know you’re so good in bed, you’re on their mind two months later.

This featured image is a stock photo from our database. The people photographed are not in any way associated with the story.

Fluent in sorority speak and caffeine. Kissing is for telling and if you didn't Instagram it, did you even go out? Equal parts a Carrie and a Charlotte, but for the right guy, I could be a Samantha.

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