In the newest issue of Rolling Stone, John Mayer tries to prove to us all again how terrible of a person he is. Reportedly, he feels “humiliated” by Taylor Swift’s song, “Dear John”, that she allegedly wrote about their brief and barely legal relationship. “It made me feel terrible because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.” John Mayer, since I can only assume you read TSM because you seem to be growing a giant vagina, I have a few things to say to you:
1. Stop interviewing with Rolling Stone! Last time you did, you took a jab at Jennifer Aniston, and now TSwift…who’s next? Selena Gomez? Maybe the public would sympathize with you a little more if you didn’t screw over every single one of America’s Sweethearts.
2. You did NOT just call Taylor’s music “cheap songwriting”. There is literally a Taylor Swift song for every boy situation EVER! “Dear John” was my anthem freshman year when a much older guy with a bad reputation told me that he was just misunderstood and I was special. Long story short: he was very well understood and I was not special (don’t judge ladies, we’ve all been there). She’s just trying to help other naive girls avoid boys like you, and the female population owes her a big thank you.
3. You were 32, she was 19. Gross.
4. You are irrelevant to modern pop culture so please just go and drift off into insignificance already! Your shout out in “Friends With Benefits” is probably the last ounce of attention you’re going to get.
5. Taylor is “shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.” You can keep making yourself look like a huge pussy, while she will be laughing all the way to the bank.
Obviously I have a lot of anger towards random celebrities I only pretend to personally know, but when you mess with one of my girls, be prepared for VeronicaCorningstone bitchmode.