Newsflash: John Mayer Is Still An Asshole

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In the newest issue of Rolling Stone, John Mayer tries to prove to us all again how terrible of a person he is. Reportedly, he feels “humiliated” by Taylor Swift’s song, “Dear John”, that she allegedly wrote about their brief and barely legal relationship. “It made me feel terrible because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.” John Mayer, since I can only assume you read TSM because you seem to be growing a giant vagina, I have a few things to say to you:

1. Stop interviewing with Rolling Stone! Last time you did, you took a jab at Jennifer Aniston, and now TSwift…who’s next? Selena Gomez? Maybe the public would sympathize with you a little more if you didn’t screw over every single one of America’s Sweethearts.

2. You did NOT just call Taylor’s music “cheap songwriting”. There is literally a Taylor Swift song for every boy situation EVER! “Dear John” was my anthem freshman year when a much older guy with a bad reputation told me that he was just misunderstood and I was special. Long story short: he was very well understood and I was not special (don’t judge ladies, we’ve all been there). She’s just trying to help other naive girls avoid boys like you, and the female population owes her a big thank you.

3. You were 32, she was 19. Gross.

4. You are irrelevant to modern pop culture so please just go and drift off into insignificance already! Your shout out in “Friends With Benefits” is probably the last ounce of attention you’re going to get.

5. Taylor is “shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.” You can keep making yourself look like a huge pussy, while she will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Obviously I have a lot of anger towards random celebrities I only pretend to personally know, but when you mess with one of my girls, be prepared for VeronicaCorningstone bitchmode.

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  1. Slick Back Frat

    So let me get this straight… John Mayer writes songs that make girls snail harder than a Luke Bryan concert, is a complete asshole, banged hundreds of women, and has broken countless girls hearts’. Sounds like someone I could really get along with. TFM

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    • UAThetaChi

      ^..if this were the TFM side, he would be getting praised for his FaF attitude towards women and life in general. The irony of this website regarding TFM/TSM is astounding.

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  2. ThinkThereforeFRAT

    John Mayer’s ultimate aspiration is to suck Stevie Ray Vaughn’s decaying dick. Seriously, check out some of his stuff with his trio, one he claims his pop gig funds and that he prefers to play with, he tries to play just like SRV and honestly isn’t too bad. When you hear SRV sing you will see where John gets that retarded air about his voice.

    As a functioning musician, I begrudgingly respect the guy as an entertainer and player. But I cannon condone his obvious desire for homosexual necrophilia.

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  3. Lee Browater

    JM is an asshole. Pat yourself on the back.

    And I’ll say it, he also has more talent in his left index knuckle than you’re entire extended family will ever hope to obtain. In addition, your writing skills are equivalent to what I imagine a child with down syndrome to achieve.

    TFM should give respect to mid western libertarian minded dickhead raw face melting talent entertainers like mayer and not publish articles sounding like the Taylor Swift worshiping 7th grade school girl you evidently are.

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    • TSMGVSU

      You just insulted somebody’s writing skills while using the incorrect form of “your”/”you’re.” You also completely failed to use proper punctuation in the last paragraph (strings of adjectives have commas). You should re-evaluate whether or not it’s your place to judge anybody’s writing.

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  4. thatstruegenttoyou

    I was reading this thinking it was from TFM and thought how pathetic the writing was. Then I noticed the pink sailboats and then I realized it was a woman.

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  5. Leges

    1. John Mayer has talents. Taylor Swift and you don’t. If you know anything about music (of course you don’t, you’re a woman – your favorite song is Call Me Maybe), all of Swift’s songs use the same chord progression, while Mayer is arguably top 3 best guitarists ALIVE (can’t stress that enough). And you, your writing sounds like something from a 9th grader whining about celebrities…
    2. If John Mayer was to show up at your house right now, you would let him fuck you and never call you again.
    3. Mayer is a (musical) genius millionaire playboy philanthropist… that’s pretty FaF to me

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