Penn State’s Sick New Dorms/Sorority Residence Cost Up To $87,000 Per Bed Space

For those of you who lived in the dorms freshman year because your school required you do so, and for those of you who lived in the dorms sophomore year because you were idiots, you know that university housing is awful. When my parents dropped me off to my 8’ x 12’ forced triple, freshman year, complete with cinderblock walls, my brother laughed in my face and said “Welcome to prison.” I shared three toilets, and four showers with 40 other girls. We had to make a floor rule that if someone was shitting, you had to leave the bathroom and let the poor girl go in peace. Of course, this rule never directly affected me, because I don’t poop, but I’m very considerate, and believe that the bathroom is not a place to carry on a conversation if someone very obviously needs her privacy. Like I said, awful.

In many states, when too many women are living in one place, it’s considered a brothel. I find this to be a lovely testament society’s preoccupation with sex. This makes it difficult for those states to have sorority houses, which is ironic, considering you can’t even have sex in sorority houses and everyone definitely follows that rule. Like, in our house, if you get caught having sex, someone will probably write a message on the whiteboard in the kitchen such as “Nicole now holds the record for loudest intercourse.” Perhaps everyone will even try to organize a walk of shame clap for your gentleman caller, because we take the rules very seriously. At Penn State, sororities live in the dorms. I can’t imagine anything worse than having the most high maintenance girls on campus sharing the merely unlivable quarters. Penn State couldn’t bear the thought either, as they’ve now upgraded the 1,237 residencies housing Greeks. The renovations cost either $87,000 per bed space in Chace Hall or $67,000 in Haller Hall.

For dorm life, they halls look preeetttyyy dope — homey, even. Each floor has a flat screen TV in the common area and a kitchen, while each building includes a large space for chapter meetings. There will be six girls to a bathroom in the suite-style dorms. Only the best for sorority girls.