There’s not a lot to look forward to after graduation, aside from sadness, confusion, and apathy. The best part of your life is over, and now you’re expected to find a job with your shitty liberal arts degree and then work until you die.
Possibly the only silver lining to this otherwise bleak existence comes from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, who found that men and women who have bachelor’s degrees and higher are more likely to engage in oral sex than people without a high school diploma or GED.
Why? Who knows. Maybe people who graduate are more eager to please, considering they’ve already peaked and are looking to find a new meaning in life. Oral is that meaning.
I am one thousand percent down (get it? LOL) with the results of this study. Oral is almost better than sex, because if you’re on the receiving end, you literally just sit there and do nothing. If you’re on the giving end, well, that’s a whole other story. Regardless, more oral is always a good thing. And practice makes perfect, am I right?
So get that college degree, girl. Who cares if you work a mediocre job for an even more mediocre salary? Your professional life might be mediocre, but your sex life will be better than ever.
Maybe graduation isn’t so bad after all. .