I first discovered the rabbit hole that is Reddit after someone directed me there to read about the Serial podcast. Now I know there is pretty much a Reddit thread for everything from travel advice to cute puppy pictures. But one thread blew up earlier this month when someone asked the question, “Girls who have slept with rock stars; How was it?” and received over 8,000 responses. Of course, these are user submitted stories, so there’s no way they can be verified, but here are some of the best ones:
Werdnamik: “One of my ex girlfriends roommates slept with Lil Wayne back in college after a show in D.C. When he had finished, he threw a hundred dollar bill at her and kicked her off the tour bus.”
Is anyone surprised by this? No? Ok, moving on.
TheLonelyScientist: “A girl I knew in college ‘slept’ with John Mayer after the Concert for Virginia Tech. I say ‘slept’ because he had her lie on the bed, then he jacked off on her. Then he just left.
So I guess her body was not a wonderland?
NuQ: “Friend of mine slept with Will I Am from the blackeyed peas. She wouldn’t shut up about it for months. I was reading a rolling stone interview with the group and the interviewer asked something like ‘I heard you were at the sundance film festival this year, what did you guys do while you were there?’ the response was comical: ‘Bought several boxes of condoms and used every single one.’ we stopped hearing about her trophy sex after that.”
The funniest part is that she was bragging about it to begin with.
iiSisterFister: “Haha. A girl in my city fucked LMFAO…yes both of them.. LMFAO are uncle and nephew. She said she wokeup with a free t-shirt and they had paid for her breakfast.”
“I had an incestual threesome and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”
Kristyyyyyyy: “Ok not even a throwaway… I fucked Flavor Flav in a seedy toilet room out the back of the ANU Refectory Bar in 1998. I’m not proud. I try not to tell people. But on the bright side, I didn’t get gonorrhoea.”
I really need to know if he wore a giant clock during this encounter.
Pedoduck: “I know a girl who slept with Justin Bieber about a year ago. Super hot Swedish girl (I guess he’s still big/not super hated over there…). Had to sign an NDA. Said he was super lazy in bed. Average size. Pretty much what you’d expect I guess.”
Poor bastard. No one wants to go to prom with you and now this?
Blktoofpirate: “Back in like middle school (so 2003-4ish) my friend’s mom slept with Usher. I guess he was genuinely a nice dude, bought her champagne, dinner; he even paid for her cab ride home. We were kids so obviously she didn’t say how the sex was, but it made me think he wasn’t a total jerk at least.”
“My best friend(‘s mom) says she use to f*ck with Usher”…great, now I’ll be singing Gold Digger all day. Thanks.
Chocolate_Slug:: “One of my good girlfriends slept with Calvin Harris. He still sends her text videos of him helicoptering his horse cock in the mirror.”
Does Taylor Swift know about this?!
JoeKingQueen: “Girl I knew tried to sleep with Jason Aldean; but he said he had a fiance and he’d only let her blow him. Highlight of her life. Her mom screwed the drummer”
Well, you know, you have to draw a line somewhere.
Therughasbeenyanked: “I slept with Jared Leto on one of 30stm’ s last tour. It hasn’t changed my perception at all. I still think he’s a fucking god. Yes, it’s fucking huge. It was definitely some of the roughest I’ve had. Lots of hair pulling, choking, slapping, etc. (I had been pretty vanilla before then, but this opened up a whole new world to me)”
I hate you. I literally hate you so much.