Politician Dips Penis In Wine And Sends Dick Pic, Not Anthony Weiner

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Nice Move

I love a good dick pic scandal. Australian politician, Peter Dowling, is being dubbed the Anthony Weiner from down under. The married Member of Parliament has elected to bow out of his position as the chairman of the Ethics Committee after having done something less than professional.

Dowling reportedly sent a picture of his, uhh, member to a woman, who, like they all do, got fed up with him and leaked the explicit text messages. After the standard boxers shot (PS — who wears boxers after like 10th grade? Boxer briefs or bust), and full frontal, he got creative with his messages. He placed his (erect?) penis into a full wine glass with the caption “He wanted a red wine.” And… “he’s” planning to slurp some up Snuffleupagus style? First of all, I LOVE when men personify their penises, because they ALL do it, and somehow think it’s sexy. If I got a message in which a guy referred to his penis as a sentient being (i.e. “He misses you”), I would laugh so hard that my oxygen supply would literally cut off, causing me to die, only to come back to life to show all my friends. I’m mostly sure that laughter isn’t the desired result when you unleash your penis in the presence of your lady friend — the owners of the penises I’ve laughed at weren’t too pleased, anyway.

The politician went on to take another selfie with said glass of wine, cheersing the recipient. Whether or not he went on to drink that glass of wine, I don’t know, but I like to believe he did, revelling in his own perceived sexiness, only to realize he’d just solidified the end of his sex life.

[via The Cut]

Image via Courier Mail

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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