Princeton Alum Encourages Girls To “Find A Husband Before They Graduate”

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Nice Move

As if this week wasn’t stressful enough, I have to freak out over dying alone for the 237582935729857th time.

Susan Patton, a member of Princeton’s class of 1977, wrote an editorial letter for her alma matter’s newspaper full of advice for new graduates. Did she use her Ivy League education to encourage girls to change the world of medicine, or leave their mark on the financial district? No. Susan Patton confirmed my worst fear: you should find your husband before you graduate from college.

Mother. Fucker.

Patton claims that girls should find their husbands in college (more specifically, at Princeton), because, “ultimately it will frustrate you to be with a man who isn’t just as smart as you.”

Essentially, Patton’s letter urged women to keep an open mind while in college and dedicate the time they would otherwise waste on academia to finding a man to marry. She claims the men you meet in college are your intellectual matches, which makes them far more suitable, long-term, than other men are. I guess this makes sense. She feels that girls become desperate a few years after graduation and tend to settle for guys just for the sake of getting married and moving on with their lives.

I totally cannot sympathize with the post-grad, lack-of-future-husband panic. Just kidding, it’s the fucking worst, and I actually understand where Patton is coming from, unfortunately. Life would have been so much easier if I hadn’t been such a psycho as an undergraduate, or if my college boyfriend wasn’t now a dental school reject turned DJ. Either way, I’m paying for it now.

Unsurprisingly, everyone is super pissed, citing the article as “retrogressive to feminism” (whatever that means). Essentially, all of the bitter, still single-alumnae and the bitter, forever-single undergrads find her thoughts offensive. I assume this is because they have zero prospects for future husbands or current boyfriends, and can’t wrap their minds around the idea that some girls have landed their first husbands before they’ll land their second advanced degrees.

Susan’s letter also served as a dating advertisement for her son, who is also a student at the Ivy League school. Not only did she suggest females find their husbands before they make it to their upper-level, major specific course work, but she exploited her own single son for the cause, which I’m sure has made him quite the ladies’ man on campus.

Can you imagine?

“How’d you meet your husband?”

“Well, his mom wrote an editorial for the school newspaper, and I used that to find him on Facebook and stalk him until he went out with me, because I knew he was prime real estate when it came to marriage material.”

Regardless, if the Ivys are condoning it, I’m going to go out on a limb and say I support all of you who think your frat romance might stand a chance in the real world. I’m also going to go drink a bottle of wine and renew my JDate subscription.

[via ABC]

Image via ABC

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