All of my life, I’ve aspired to be nice. Of course, like everyone, I have moments of bitchiness, usually when I’m hangry, hungover or both. But bitch is not my main state of being, despite my amazing resting bitch face. Instead, I’ve always been concerned with being considered “a nice girl.” What I’ve discovered lately is that there is a fine line between being a sweetheart and being a sucker. Because sometimes being nice means being taken advantage of. Or sometimes it means your relationships with both friends and romantic interests become awfully one-sided because both parties are used to you doing all the work. When I talked to a few of my friends about it, I learned that people’s own perception of where they fall on the bitch-sweetheart-sucker scale can be pretty skewed. A few of my friends that I think firmly fall into sucker category thought they were bitches, and vice versa. So in the interest of figuring out where you (and I) stand on the spectrum, here’s a little quiz.
Scenario: You just broke up with a guy after six months because you just aren’t feeling it, but he continues to call/text/show up places randomly because he’s still into you. You…
A. Corner him in the bar and start screaming at him, “Don’t you get the point? We are broken up. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hang out with you. STOP STALKING ME, YOU FREAK!” And then grab some guy to make out with, to drive the point home.
B. Compose a standard response that you use for each of his pleading texts/emails/Snapchats/tweets/Facebook messages that reads something like “Listen, you’re great, but I’m just not really looking for a relationship right now. It’s not you, it’s me. I hope we can be friends.”
C. Agree to give it another try. Maybe there was something you missed the first time around.
Scenario: You’re the last sister a new member has to interview before initiation. You…
A. Purposely make yourself as scarce as possible. She has to work for it, right?
B. Text her the times you will be at the house, so she can meet you there. If she can make it, great. If not, she needs to figure it out.
C. Skip class to meet her when she has free time. You really needed to get those quiz notes, but the poor girl is freaking out, so it’s okay.
Scenario: The musician you’ve been sleeping with on and off and totally have the feels for has both a new girlfriend and a gig this weekend. You…
A. Create an anonymous Twitter account to send multiple tweets about how his music sounds like two cows mating.
B. Tweet from your account that everyone should go see your “friend” perform this weekend, because he’s “awesome”!! #1fan!
C. Attend the show to be supportive, while dying inside because in between sets, he’s sucking face with the girl he chose over you (who you wish you could say is ugly, but is actually kind of cute.)
Scenario: A guy on the football team deliberately cuts in front of you at the register at the dining hall. You…
A. Raise your voice and wonder aloud that if he can’t even wait in line, what else he can’t do for very long?
B. Mutter to yourself under your breath, since you’re already late for history.
C. Smile and wish him luck at the game this weekend.
Scenario: You have dinner plans with your friend Lindsay tonight and she insists upon going for sushi, even though you’ve told her a million times you’re allergic. You…
A. Respond with the following text message: “What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you remember that I’m allergic to sushi? DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL, YOU SELFISH BITCH?!”
B. Suggest she gets takeout sushi and you’ll get order some Chinese and you guys can eat at your place – you’ll even supply the wine. Friendship is about the art of compromise, right?
C. Go to the sushi restaurant and order white rice that you just push around your plate, since you’re afraid eating will give you anaphylaxis. You then split the bill for food you didn’t eat and hit the Taco Bell drive through on your way home.
Scenario: You’ve been at a job for two years, and a position above you opens up, perfect for your promotion, then your boss hires someone new. You…
A. Storm into your boss’s office demanding an explanation for not being promoted and complete your rant by quitting.
B. Ask to speak to your boss at her earliest convenience and request feedback on how you can improve and be considered for the promotion in the future.
C. Cry in the bathroom and swear to befriend the new girl, knowing you just weren’t cut out for the promotion.
Scenario: Your new guy is perfect in every single way…except in bed. You…
A. Immediately dump his ass. If he doesn’t know how to satisfy a woman by now, you don’t have time to teach him.
B. Casually leave your magazines open to the “how to get her off” articles, while occasionally providing some direction in bed. Maybe between the two, he’ll get the hint. If not, it’s serious talk time.
C. Not say anything and silently hope that he improves. Maybe he’s just been nervous…the first ten times.
Mostly A’s – A Bitch: Oh, so your resting bitch face is actually not just your face, huh? You don’t have a filter when it comes to sharing your thoughts and feelings – ever. Props for staying true to you, but maybe you could use your nice words sometimes?
Mostly B’s – A Sweetheart: The art of compromise is one you’ve mastered, and while you care about other people’s feelings, you don’t let them take advantage of you. You’re careful with your words as to never sound mean, but at the same time, people know they can’t push you around.
Mostly C’s – Sucker: Your friends, to whom you regularly send baked goods, will tell you that you’re not a sucker, but can they really be trusted when cookie mail is at risk? You take the time to go out of your way for people, which is nice, but maybe it’s time that your relationships aren’t so one-sided.
Mixed Bag: You’re usually a kind soul, but God help anyone that gets between you and a pepperoni pizza when you’re hungover. Occasionally, you’re the designated driver five times in a row, but when it’s your turn to put your drinking shoes on, you make sure your friends know it’s someone else’s turn to step up..