41 Reasons You’re Starting To Hate Your Roommate


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Nice Move


When you first moved into your dorm, you were so excited to meet your roommate. Your new right-hand gal. Your day one bestie. Now, a few months into it, you realize she’s a bit of a cunt. Or maybe you’re not there yet. But if you’ve found yourself checking the hall to make sure she’s not around and then start hate whispering into the phone about her annoying habits, then don’t worry — you’ll get there soon. Maybe it was one big breach of girl code that started the fallout, or maybe it’s a never ending stream insignificant things that add up into a rational hatred. Either way, you’re pissed. Here’s to passively aggressively deleting that “Roomies for Life!” Insta post.

  1. She borrowed your favorite dress three times without asking.
  2. One of the times, it wasn’t even clean. Like, she stole it out of your dirty hamper.
  3. It was her turn to take out the trash, like, two weeks ago.
  4. She didn’t like your selfie even though you can see she’s actively liking other posts.
  5. She asked “how much did you pay for this one?” when you introduced her to a girl in your pledge class.
  6. It doesn’t matter that it was a joke, it wasn’t funny.
  7. She hit on the boy you have yet to talk to but have already drunkenly cried over.
  8. She sexiled you on a Monday night.
  9. When she knew you have an 8 a.m. on Tuesday mornings.
  10. She’s up bright and early on the mornings you’re routinely hungover.
  11. She didn’t steal you a bagel from the dining hall.
  12. Or she did, but she didn’t put cream cheese on it. So obviously you’re going to trash it.
  13. Seriously, plain bagels are the ugly stepsisters of donuts.
  14. She reminded you of your Halloween diet when you said “fuck it” and opted for donuts instead.
  15. But, like, she waited until after you finished your fourth donut. When it was too late.
  16. She said she’s “too classy” to slap the bag.
  17. Franzia in a glass still tastes like shit. So gulp it down like a real human.
  18. She took up 2/3 of the communal mini fridge.
  19. She didn’t want to match bedding.
  20. Which would be fine, if her bright green comforter didn’t look so fucking tacky.
  21. Her high school sweetheart visits on the weekends.
  22. And they do cute shit together while you’re single and bitter.
  23. She asked what you did today, knowing damn well you spent the entire day on your ass watching Netflix.
  24. She chuckled when you expressed excitement about sweater weather.
  25. She said that your favorite sweater is perfect for an ugly sweater party.
  26. She’s expressed unjustified concern over your alcoholism.
  27. No, she doesn’t want to watch the new season of American Horror Story with you.
  28. She doesn’t eat carbs. Like, what kind of psycho…?
  29. She said your Halloween costume was too slutty.
  30. “Too slutty.” As if such a thing actually exists.
  31. She didn’t help clean when your parents visited. Even though most of the mess was hers.
  32. She posted *that* picture of you two.
  33. You know, the one with the unfortunate double chin.
  34. She farts in her sleep. Loudly.
  35. She refuses to discuss celebrity gossip because it’s not “real news.”
  36. Her favorite Gossip Girl character is Vanessa.
  37. She hesitated when you asked if you looked fat.
  38. I’m not saying *she* broke your hairdryer, but I am saying it was definitely working the last time you used it.
  39. She asked you when the last time you got tested was. In front of a guy.
  40. Or she one-upped herself and left a “Dangers of Promiscuity in College” pamphlet on your pillow for you two to conveniently find.
  41. At the end of the day, this bitch is the reason you don’t have a single.

Only 7 more months of this! How bad can it be?

Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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