Researchers Found The Most Obvious Way To Lose Weight


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Researchers Found The Most Obvious Way To Lose Weight

Science has a knack for sticking its nose in places it doesn’t belong. I don’t really want to know about tapeworms, the amount of spider legs I ingest in my sleep, or the effects of alcohol on my liver. Ignorance is bliss. But this time they have gone entirely too far.

The boner shrinkers at the Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics decided to look into the amount of calories in the average meal at a restaurant. They calculated entrees in non-chain restaurants all over the country and they found an anticlimactic result. The average entree had 1,200 calories and Italian restaurants had an average of 1,556 calories per entree. So you are telling me that eating almost a day’s worth of calories in one sitting is going to cause me to gain weight? The genius “weight loss hack” is to stop eating out.

Fucking duh.

When I willingly order a vat of molten cheese and carbs, it’s not because I’m trying to watch my girlish figure. Anyone with half of a brain and a stomach could tell you that eating until you are in physical pain is not going to bode well on your health. Maybe I’m training for a marathon and I need the calories for my long run tomorrow. We both know that is absolutely not the case, but when I start my meal with half of a loaf of bread, I’m not about to skimp on the main dish. Just as I am not about to suck face for an hour only to find out my soup de jour is a two-pump chump. That’s not how I live my life. So how about a little less judgment and a little more creamy dressing on my house salad.

Keep doing what you’re doing, science. Cancer will just cure itself.

[via Elite Daily]

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A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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