A federal grand jury in Newark, New Jersey hit Real Housewives of New Jersey stars, Teresa and Joe Giudice, with fraud and tax evasion charges. The married couple, who, thanks to their foreheads, would’ve been more appropriately cast in Real Housewives of The Paleolithic Era, have been in trouble with the law for quite some time now.
It all started a few years ago with their Bravo debut. The Guidices were just a young, married couple on the verge of reality TV stardom. Teresa was a flat-chested mommy whose head of hair looked akin to Little Richard. And Joe, our dear, sweet, Mighty Joe Young, was a meathead whose biceps were bigger than his brain. The two were happy, rich, and in love…or so we thought.
We stood by them during the first few seasons, virtually holding Teresa’s hand through her boob job and enthusiastically cheering Joe on while he practiced martial arts in the garage. They bought expensive cars, went on lavish vacations, and moved into a house, the size of which was only shamed by Versailles. They seemed to have it all. So rich, so glamorous, and they never even had to work!
Which is why it really shouldn’t have been a shock when it came out that Teresa and Joe maybe weren’t as wealthy as they claimed to be. In fact, they were in debt. A lot of debt. And not only that, but their marriage was kind of falling apart.
The tabloids went wild. Just as the bank statements were coming out and the foreclosure rumors were loudly whispered, things got even worse. As if the possibility of losing his home, his children, and his wife were not enough, Joe decided that now was the appropriate time to develop a drinking problem as well as a disdain for the law.
Throughout the couple’s five year tenure on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the pair have played a fun little game called, avoid getting fucked by the law, otherwise known as professionally evading arrest. Unfortunately for us (and Bravo’s ratings), the two were charged with a 39-count indictment by a New Jersey federal grand jury and now face 50 years in prison…each.
Charges include bank fraud, mail fraud, wire fraud, bankruptcy fraud, and making false statements on loan applications. Rumor has it that Teresa created faulty W-2 forms as well as fake pay stubs. Who knew girlfriend was so gifted with Photoshop?
Anyway, Teresa and Joe are (unsurprisingly) pleading not guilty and we will likely see them (unsurprisingly) walk away with a slap on the wrist. Isn’t that how it goes these days?
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