I remember when the first person in my friend group showed up at school that day in 8th grade wearing a pair of crayon-blue Crocs. We all laughed at her, and why wouldn’t we? Her shoes were ugly hunks of plastic with dime-sized holes in them. But Alison insisted these shoes were the next big thing. Sure enough, a week later, Sarah came into class with her own pair of black Crocs. All of a sudden, we were hooked. If Alison and Sarah have these, we need them too! We were begging our parents to spend upwards of $30 on these shoes so we could have a pair in every color. We loved them. We needed them. We had to have them.
Of course, the trend died, our heads cleared, and we were all left wondering, “What in the world were we thinking?” These shoes were ugly. And I mean UGLY. But one popular girl started wearing them, and all of a sudden, our group-think drive caused us to turn into psycho monsters. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened. Regina George proved it was possible when Janice cut the nips out of her tank top, and everyone started promoting the #freethenipple campaign a little early. My mom and her stirrup pants absolutely rocked the early 90’s (as well as the early 2000’s because she can’t let anything die). People are finally starting to realize that ombre hair just looks like you’ve left your roots untouched for 3 years too long. And, I hate to say it, but it’s happening right now. It appears we haven’t learned anything in 15 years because we’re back to needing the next stupid thing because one celebrity thought this fashion choice was a good idea. That’s right. I’m talking about the romper.
“But rompers are so cuuuuuute,” you whine like a toddler as you stamp your feet and pout. Actually, no. No, they’re not. Take away the fact that you’re wearing the stylish article of clothing at the moment, and what do you have? You have overalls made out of cheap fabric with no structure that cling to you in unattractive ways and make you look like you’re wearing a full, bunchy, dirty diaper. You thought high-waisted jeans were bad? Rompers are the ultimate high-waisted pants. They’re so high-waisted they go up to your neck. They’re literally adult onesies – all you’re missing is a crotch flap for when you have to go pee-pee in the potty.
If you were to describe a romper to anyone, no one in their right mind would put it on. If you’re short, you look dumpy. If you’re tall, you get a camel toe. If you have any inch of fat on your body, the cheap polyester will cling to it. You have to take off the entire thing to go to the bathroom. They’re terrible, terrible articles of clothing. So bad that our future children will pull up our old Facebook albums and laugh hysterically at you brunching in one. “MOM! This is SO UGLY! What were you thinking???” And you’ll have to defend your poor fashion choices to your offspring by saying “but Taylor Swift wore one once!” while they mock you for looking like an absolute idiot.
No matter whether we’re talking about rompers, crop tops, body chains (no, not talking about 50 Shades of Grey), or harnesses, the fact of the matter is that your trend of the moment makes you look like a financially irresponsible idiot. Stop throwing away hundreds of dollars each season on the trend of the moment that you’ll inevitably regret six months later. Instead, buy yourself a nice oxford and a pencil skirt, and use the rest of that money to go on road trips and vacations and make great memories with your friends and your loved ones while taking pictures that you won’t regret later. When you look back on your 20s in ten years, you’ll want to make sure that you lived your life to the fullest, and that you did it without ever wearing a romper. I can only hope 2016 will be better..