Rutgers Newspaper Forced To Issue Public Apology For Comparing The Sisters Of Alpha Chi Omega To Livestock

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Nice Move

The Rutgers University chapter of Alpha Chi Omega was recently forced to revoke their charter on the New Jersey campus due to lack of membership and inability to adequately fund their expenses. I can’t help but personalize this. Well, not to my sorority, because we were hot, but to the bottom-tier on my campus. I cringed every year when they didn’t even come close to making quota, and hoped they could someday get it together, then didn’t think of them for the remainder of the academic year.

I imagine the news of Alpha Chi’s dismissal from campus came to the rest the Greek community not so much as a shock, but more of a feeling of pity and sympathy, until Rutgers’ satirical newspaper, The Medium published an article about it. The article’s author, who writes under the name Satanic Yoda, stated that the girls were being forced to retire their letters because “only three measly wildebeests and an elephant” signed bids to the sorority after spring recruitment “leaving the organization unable to sufficiently fill its Union Street stable and without enough dues-paying members to finance operations for another year.” Yikes. The article continued to paint a grotesque picture of the sorority’s members claiming the girls would “miss Dance Marathon so much” because “it was the only thing [they] did together that involved some kind of physical activity,” and that they spent their time playing “such awesome games like ‘is it her pussy, asshole, or bellybutton?’” You can read the whole article below:

Rutgers Alpha Chi

I’m not inclined to say this Satanic Yoda character definitely had cruel intentions, nor that he definitely did not. The publication was mean, and hurtful, no doubt, but being funny and being offensive go hand-in-hand. Just yesterday, one of the male staff writers told me I was going to give high school girls eating disorders because I promoted protruding clavicles via Twitter, and I was all “Whatever, if a guy can’t see your bones, he’s not going to give you his. I’m just trying to help.” Am I trying to offend girls with eating disorders by saying so? No. Am I offending them anyway? Probably.

The inherent problem with this piece is that it was about a specific group of girls, and while the person who wrote it probably thought he was just making ordinary, run-of-the-mill, offensive jokes, he neglected to realize that he was directly victimizing specific people. It wasn’t just making fun of fat people, it was making fun of these fat people, which is the slight but absolute difference between “comedy” and “bullying.”

Feigning panhellenic love upon reading the article, the Slutgers sororities wreaked havoc, forcing The Medium to publish a public apology to the ladies of Alpha Chi Omega, which is a rare occurrence seeing as the paper is “satirical in nature and is no stranger to controversy.” They cited having used “poor judgment to experiment with a style of humor that had entertained [their] audience years ago.”

What I’m hearing here is “We thought it was funny. When did everyone get so serious? Sorry.” The shit we have to endure to entertain the people, man.

[via Bar Stool]

Image via Bar Stool

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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