You know the saying that when one door closes, another door opens? Well, the perfect example of that just came to us in a cruel twist of fate. While some of you may be rejoicing that Brad and his scraggly beard are now up for grabs, the rest of us are in mourning for the now-taken Ryan Gosling.
Earlier this year, Ryan reportedly fell victim to none other than Eva Mendes. According to eye witnesses, Mendes used her unnaturally smooth hair, perfect complexion, and suspiciously sweet personality to seduce the oblivious Gosling into her trap of matrimony. Her motives were obvious, but her execution of the ambush was calculated. After securing Gosling’s affection in 2011, she recently arranged a secret wedding ceremony so that the public would not be able to stop her from committing this crime against humanity.
Upon further questioning, it would appear that Ryan was utterly brainwashed by Mendes prior to the incident. When authorities asked what qualities Ryan wanted in a partner, his eyes immediately glazed over and he said. “That she is Eva Mendes.” Foul play was suspected.
Gosling was a great man, full of character and life. He will be remembered for his piercing eyes, his charming personality, and most importantly his role as Noah. May we never forget the glorious bachelor days of Ryan Gosling. He lived a long and lustrous single life, and we can only hope that he has moved on to a better place. Except, you know, he hasn’t, because he’s married..
[via US Weekly]
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