If you have ever scoured the deep, dark, disgusting pits that is the comments section of any place on the internet, then you know that people are fucking disgusting. Especially behind anonymity. It’s hard enough to tell someone you like their smile, but give a dude a pseudonym and he’ll throw out, “hey, I eat ass,” as if it was a comment on their favorite color. And us girls? Yeah, we’re not much better. You know all those terrible thoughts about Joe Jonas you had when you were 12 and discovering your sexuality? Well, now imagine all of those thoughts actually making it to him… and the rest of internet world. Because Twitter is a thing that exists and we all need Jesus.
Enter: Ryan Reynolds. The sexiest man in the world, who is married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and has the cutest baby in the world. Yeah, he pretty much has it all. Especially because he has a great sense of humor. *Swoon.*
When you think of Ryan Reynolds, you might be thinking, “Man, I’d lick those abs.” And that’s quite alright. Sure, it’s a little ~scandalous~ but a little lust never hurt anyone.
On the other hand, if you were about to fire up your laptop, open Twitter, and say something along the lines of “hey Ryan, I’d let you obliterate my asshole while my mother watches,” then prepare yourself not only for him to read it, but also to respond, and shame you.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, can make you stop and think about your life decisions when the object of your desire tells you to stop and find your chill.
Check out the hilarious rejections below.
Kill ’em with shame, Ryan. Oh, and while you’re at it, do you want to hold hands and grab some fries sometime? .