Ryan Reynolds, actor, funny man, and goddess Blake Lively’s favorite accessory was just named GQ’s Man of the Year. I’ve had a lot of men this year, but unfortunately, Reynolds wasn’t one of them, so I can’t attest to whether or not he’s deserving of the title.
What I do know, however, is that his “twin brother” Gordon just roasted the fuck out of him, and I feel pretty good about it.
No, Ryan Reynolds doesn’t really have a twin, you gullible fuck. But could you imagine, if there were just another one of him running around in the world — a normal like you and me? Except better-looking. A girl can dream.
To accompany his Man of the Year status, Reynolds gave an interview with GQ. It’s very boring, mostly about Deadpool, so definitely read it if you’re trying to impress a comic book nerd, but for the rest of you, I pulled some of the Q&As I thought might interest you.
When did you know it was going to happen with Blake?
Probably after the sex. No, we were hanging out at this little restaurant in Tribeca that’s open really late, and this song came on and I was just like, “Want to dance?” No one was in there, so it was just totally empty. And it was just one of those moments where halfway through the dance, it was like, “Oh, I think I just crossed a line.” And then I walked her home. And, uh, you know, I don’t really need to go into what happened after that.
Everything your mom told you was wrong. A way to a guy’s heart is literally through his penis.
In a few hours, you’re going to be a father of two.
I’m on the precipice of having a real American family. I mean, I always imagined that would happen, and then it happened. Every idiotic Hallmark-card cliché is true.
Check your privilege.
Your life seems so good right now. Are you content, or are you like, “It’s all downhill from here”?
The needle doesn’t move as much as you think it does—I really think that people just come down the chute a certain way. There’s this idea that when somebody’s just a miserable son of a bitch and they win the lottery, they’re ecstatic for like six months, but when you catch up to them a year down the line, they’re still a pessimistic person. And when a super-happy optimist loses everything in life, they just sort of figure it out and go back to their baseline. My baseline’s pretty good, I think, aside from a few pretty intense anxiety hiccups over my life. I wouldn’t say I’m quantifiably happier now than I was when I lived in my shithole studio apartment on Wilcox in Hollywood. I’m also old enough to understand what’s an illusion and what’s real, and that it’s foolish to try to think that I can control anything from here on out.
Undercut the Zen part with the same fears that everyone else has. But I wasn’t a miserable fuck before I did this for a living, and I would hope that I would never turn into one, because I’m lucky. That’s a Man of the Year quote right there. Jesus Christ.
“I’m funny and hot. Even the alternate dimension versions of me are happy.” -Ryan Reynolds, basically.
Ryan Reynolds: Remember how awkward it was when we were talking about my dad?
GQ: I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he had passed away. When you said he was “scattered to the wind,” I thought you meant, like, metaphorically.
I love situations like that. I really do. I actually didn’t know I was stringing you along. I thought you were totally hip to the fact that he was super-dead. But no!
Ugghh. You had just mentioned your estrangement, so I was confused!
I had a rough ten-year patch with my father. So we were estranged. Now we’re really estranged. But I actually had that sort of epic moment that only happens in ﬁlms, where I saw him before he died and closed the loop as much as I could.
Trollolololol. Love you..