Most of us have a pretty strong “female intuition” or gut feeling on when something is not right for us or when a relationship is just more one-sided than it is mutually beneficial. Recently, I experienced this overwhelming feeling to get out of a vested interest whom I have been dating for a month now. To most a month is nothing, to me it’s a million years. Okay, not a million but for sure one hundred. The struggle has been real for finding a partner this year. And last year. And the year before. I know I am not alone in this, so I compiled a list of red flags that indicate you need to bounce and fast. Now, I am specifically referring to someone you want to have a real, authentic and special relationship with, not a hookup buddy or one night stand. As my roadie Jessica told me, “always be sure to be with a guy who loves you more than you love him.” Words to live by, right?
Once my older sister whom I look up to tremendously (a lawyer with her own company, mother of 3 kids and wife), was lecturing me about how you know someone is into you or feels what you feel. She told me if you even have to question it, if you have to ask about it, if you have to visit that thought (this is well into dating someone, not necessarily the first few dates) then he is not. Point blank. But sometimes, you just can’t see it. So here’s how to tell that it’s time to GTFO.
He doesn’t make plans to hang out.
Did he “forget” to make plans for your next date? Oh…he was just a little too preoccupied to configure the words “When’s the next time I’m going to see you?” I’m sure. No, honey bunny, he’s not that into you. One of my best friends, who happens to be a psychologist, told me that a month into dating someone, four days in between hangouts is just fine and “normal”. Well, I like to see my man more than that but I can understand that I may be a little more on the needy side. That being said, if he isn’t calling you or texting you in between the hangouts, not asking you how your day is going, not wondering what you’re up to, just no care in the freaking world then move. the. eff. along.
Are you the only one making plans with him?
Sure he complies with your suggestions, he makes it seem like he’s on board by saying yes to them. Then, you realize weeks in, you are the only one making plans. When you stop asking to “hike” then all of a sudden you notice something strange — you are no longer dating. RUN. Oh, but you won’t even have to because he already ghosted.
He notices you left something by mistake at his house, but when he reminds you he has it, in no way does he imply you are going to see him again anytime soon.
Did you leave a toothbrush over at his place? Maybe even a toy. Then when you go back over just a few days later, the toy has been hidden and the toothbrush has been stashed. Okay, okay so I get why the toy is hidden, but my toothbrush?! I mean I wasn’t moving in, I just thought it would be nice to brush my alcohol ridden mouth before we went to slumberland, but I was wrong, so wrong.
Ego-centric jibber jabber.
The conversation is just non-stop about himself — all about what he is into, what makes him excited, what makes him upset. There has been no mention about you whatsoever in 30 minutes.
Fine. I’ll take some responsibility for my actions, we have all done the “Gone Girl” thing before. We want the guy to like us and we think he’s going to change so we perhaps agree to something that just isn’t really us. It isn’t something we really believe, like anal sex for some or the whole “being okay with a temporarily open relationship” thing. You know, when you have sex and date other people even though you might be monogamous in a few months. But in the end, that’s not how we end up with love. That’s not how we end up with *the one.*
I once heard Cara Delevingne at a Taylor Swift concert say, “you’ve got to be a LOVE WARRIOR.” Protect that heart of yours. It’s sacred and beautiful and while I’m sure everyone’s just rolling their eyes in their heads right now, (and yes, I do feel like a 16-year-old girl), the truth is, you’re better than whatever shit some lame guy is throwing your way. If you think you deserve more, you probably do. Know your worth, and don’t accept anything less.
Love, Tasha..
Read Sex Tips From A Porn Star: Rim Jobs and Sex Tips From A Porn Star: Ice Cubes.
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Tashareign
What a fucking honor! I am so thrilled to be asked to write for totalsororitymove.com and heres why. 1. I am a former (very brief stint) Gamma Phi Beta of UCLA. 2. I adore this website and think any community that accepts and supports women is amazing. I want to be able to navigate and share my strange and unique life experiences with similarly minded people as well as not so similarly minded people. I have been creeping on your website for quite some time now and I cant wait to really get acquainted with everyone on here and truly interact in the only capacity I know how, intimately. You can directly email me anytime on [email protected], or tweet me at @tashareign, questions, comments, dialogue, I am in L.A. county so you know I get lonely and want sisters like yourselves to be able to bounce innovative ideas off of or really just talk about nonsense with. Some key information, I am a 5 and half year adult industry veteran, and currently contracted to elegantangel.com which is basically as high end and glamourous as gonzo porn films are concerned. UCLA is my Alma Mater, I was born and raised in sunny Laguna Beach, CA, and experienced my first taste of the camera at 17 years old on “Laguna Beach Season 3”, and from there pursued xxx modeling and acting in porn. Thats right :) I am now your porn sister and you can ask me anything! This week, I will give you one of my favorite sex tips and you can choose to experiment with it or not but at least think about it.
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