You awaken, thinking it’s a normal morning and slowly reach out to grab your phone from its charger, but there’s nothing there. You reach around some more, and jolt when you feel someone else’s body lying next to yours. You open your eyes…and freak out instantly. Who the hell is that? Where are you? Crap, you’re completely naked. What time is it? Did you miss brunch at the house? Oh No! Where’s your phone? OK, you need to get out of there before this dude wakes up. You crawl over the mysterious man and try to find the ground with your foot. Eww this floor is so sticky. Shoes, where are your shoes? You follow the trail of clothes and quickly piece together your wardrobe from the night before. Thank God you went casual. You take one last look at the body in the bed, trying to figure out who your new friend is. If only his head wasn’t buried in the pillow. You start heading for the door when “SON OF A BITCH!” Are you kidding me? Why do they always have crap all over the floor? Is your toe broken? You think it’s bleeding. Suddenly, you hear rustling coming from the bed behind you and an unfamiliar voice say “Hey.” Awk. You turn around nervously. Please don’t be completely hideous.
“Oh…Heyyyy.” Wait, you know him! He is in the same pledge class as…Well, guess you just broke the one guy per pledge class rule. “Last night was fun.” Oh, was it? Because I’m having a hard time remembering most of it, like the part where we had sex, you creep.
“Yeah it was, um, could you drive me home?” Just made his day.
“Yeah, sure, I guess.” Try to hide your excitement, guy.
He slowly gets his shit together and you head out the door. Please God let me make it out of this house without seeing… “Oh, hey there!!” “Get it in last night??” *Laughter. Applause.* Shit. And there he is sitting on the couch; your most recent slam. Can this get any worse? He glares at you, then turns and gives your new friend the nod of approval. Yes. The ride home is just as awkward.
You say a total of zero words to each other. Do you even have this kid’s number? You approach your house. “I guess I’ll see you around”… DOUBT IT. “Yeah, thanks for the ride.“ You can feel him staring at your ass as you get out of the car and swiftly walk to the backdoor and run up the steps to your room. You have a look of panic and embarrassment as you pass your sisters. They know better than to say anything now, but the interrogation is imminent once you’ve had time to wash the smell of sex and humiliation off your body. You then spend an hour on Facebook trying to creep your boy so you at least have pics of how cutie to half excuse your behavior. Until you realize you have no idea what his name is. Slut. Luckily your skills have been fine-tuned and you finally find a picture he’s tagged in. You spend a shameful hour with your sisters filling them in on the details and then deciding whether or not to friend him. You decide it would be better not to have to see his face all the time so you don’t. But of course, you see the bastard everywhere. Oh well.